


Maybe He Won't

by fuckuharold



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, First Time, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Louis loves dimples, M/M, Mutual Pining, OT5 Friendship, Pining, Romance, Roommates, Smut, Straight Harry, Ziam is cute, and his family - Freeform, at some point, niall will help a lot, sort of, with a guy at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-12 19:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 41,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckuharold/pseuds/fuckuharold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis likes to think London will be good for him. He left Doncaster, Yorkshire, to start a new life. His best friend Zayn already lives there and tells him nothing but good things about the city.</p><p>He finds a flat with a beautiful roommate right after his arrival and definitely believes it's finally time for him to be happy. Louis soon has a flat, four best friends and a job he likes. He just needs a romance, the one that gives you butterflies. He feels like his roommate can maybe be the one person he was looking for.</p><p>Except when he learns that maybe he won't.</p><p> </p><p>or AU where Louis and Harry are flatmates. Louis is in love with Harry, Harry has a girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This is a fanfiction, which means the story is one hundred percent made up. While it's based on the public personas of real people, it doesn't imply anything about their behavior in real life.  
>  I do not own One Direction and no money is being made from this story.  
> Based on its content this fanfiction should not be shared with anyone even remotely connected to the boys and their families.
> 
>  **Warnings:** This story contains sexual references and some scenes could be rather graphic.
> 
>  **Note:** You can expect around 100k words for this story.
> 
>  **IMPORTANT** I AM NOT LIVING IN ENGLAND SO I AM REALLY SORRY FOR ANY PLOT TWISTS. If you're willing to add some changes feel free.
> 
> originally posted on [wattpad](http://www.wattpad.com/story/31944952-maybe-he-won%27t-larry-stylinson)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gets a new job, he makes new friends and his roommate is hot. So far so good he tells himself. Except he's wrong.

Louis was starting to go mad. He just couldn’t seem to find the right place to live. It was either creepy 'Eight lovely cats and an old lady need some company', either expensive 'Two students looking for another roommate in Candem. £2100 month'. 

When he finally found the perfect ad, he almost squealed like a five year old girl finding the perfect outfit for her doll. Almost. Student in the need of another roomate ASAP. In the heart of London, two bedrooms, a kitchen, a large living room and a bathroom. £900 month. 

"Hmm hello?"

"Hiii."

"I'm calling for your advertisement, in the local newspaper."

"Please tell me it’s about the flat and please tell me you can move in like tomorrow. I was about to give up."

"Yeah I could probably move in tomorrow. I’m quite desperate meself so that would be great man."

"Oh my god I’m so happy! You have no idea. Not that you’re desperate of course, but that you can be my roommate that quickly. I was seriously going to think my ad wasn't good enough. Did you know we had a character limit? It felt like Twitter. I couldn't explain a thing. I also tried lowering the price but my father refused, saying we couldn't lose money and everything so I- Oops I'm rambling. I tend to do that a lot, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay mate. Could we just talk a bit about the flat and all that stuff though?"

"Oh yeah sure, sorry. This was probably the worst phonecall I ever made. Not that it is your fault, it's totally mine. Anyway, Harry Styles is the name."

"Louis Tomlinson."

So that's how it all started.  
   
.   
   
Now Louis William Tomlinson–twenty four year old guy pretending to be smart but who was just a proper idiot most of the time, was about to move in with a guy he only talked once on the phone. If it wasn’t the best idea of the year Louis didn't know what it was. What if the guy was an old pervert? His voice was deep enough to fit the character. He didn't even tell Louis his age. He was going to rape him for sure, or worse even, he was going to fucking kill him. Torture him until he could no longer breathe.

What has he done?

London was supposed to be his perfect fresh start and he was going to die after less than a week spent in the city. In any case it was way too late to back off, Louis was already at the front door of the building.

The Doncaster boy was wearing old Vans, a band tee and grey loose sweatpants but something in the air was telling him it wasn’t the appropriate dress code. He tried to put things into perspective and told himself it was only a wrong first impression.  
Why would someone living in a high class building need a roommate? Obviously he wasn't someone who was cash strapped.

So okay Louis was bloody nervous. But he probably was paranoid because this was a new territory, nothing more. It wasn't unusual for someone meeting a stranger for the first time to be nervous. He needed to be on his guard okay. Anything could happen. That Harry guy was just feeling lonely, he needed some company, as simple as that. The company of a defenseless young man, his brain added. Louis was most definitely freaking out.

He entered the hall building with caution and went straight to the lift before anyone could see him. It almost worked.

"Excuse me Sir. May I help you?"

"I'm about to move in. Just wanted to meet my new roommate first."

"Oh... You're Mr Tomlinson. Mr Styles told me about you."

"Can I take the lift or do you need my ID card?"

"Of course you can go Sir. I'm sorry I thought you were a visitor."

"A visitor.”

“We just don’t have lots of people like you coming here.”

“People like me? What are you trying to imply?”

“Your outfit is quite singular, that's it.”

“Like the outfit a hooligan hanging out in rich areas would wear?"

"I'm sorry Sir, have a good day."

Folks: always listen to your first impressions. Always the right ones it would seem.

Louis reached the lift and then pressed the third floor button once he was inside. The lift was almost as big as his bedroom back in Doncaster. Ridiculous. Three of the four walls were mirrors and the floor was painted in black and white. Ridiculous bis. It was just a lift, no need for it be designed by some wannabe artist.

When he reached the third floor, the doors opened slowly and he stepped into the corridor. The carpet was black, the walls white and grey, most definitely built in marble, while the ceiling lights were golden. The guy on the phone–Harry, if that was even his real name, told Louis he was on the 1237. Once in front of the door he knocked.

When the door opened, Louis found himself staring at a young and beautiful man, probably in his early twenties. He was quite attractive if Louis was completely honest. He was fit, got great features and he was smiling brightly. Probably the son of that pervert from the phone.  
"Hi! Welcome to my flat. And yours now I suppose. I'm Harry."

His voice was as deep as the man he talked to the day before and his name was Harry.

May God please forgive all Louis’ previous thoughts, he would gladly live with him. Damn he could probably follow him everywhere. He was broad and good looking, how could Louis say no to such a great opportunity? Granted the guy would ever propose Louis something like that. He probably never would, but a man could dream. Besides, Harry was definitely not a serial killer and he was not fifty so that was always something good to take into consideration.

"I'm Louis, good morning."

"Come on in, come on in. I’m going to show you around. We'll sign the papers later it's pretty long and it will most certainly be boring."

"I like the way you think."

The guy chuckled in response and Louis tapped himself on the back ‘Well done Tommo, already flirting and it's not even been five seconds since you met him.’

The visit was surprisingly long. The advertisement was correct, two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. What wasn't mentioned was the size of each room. The living room got two couches, an armchair, a coffee table, a TV and two big bookcases. The kitchen was white, modern and huge. There were counters everywhere, and utensils Louis didn't even know how to name, on top of them. The bathroom got a bathtub, a shower and two sinks. Six people could at least fit in this flat.

And the bedroom. Well the bedroom was gigantesque. Louis was pretty sure even his childhood house wasn't that big. And maybe he was slightly overreacting but it was big, like really big, and Louis was amazed. A king size bed was already in the middle of the room and what seemed to be a closet could be seen behind a closed door. The decoration was basic and neutral. The walls white and the wooden floor a dark brown.

"I hope it's okay."

"If that’s okay? Are you kidding me? That's freaking perfect. Even the lift is bigger than my old bedroom, your flat and this building are amazing."

"Yeah well... Yeah. Don't mind Paul though, he's the guy from the hall entrance."

"Oh I've met him. Not a big fan of my outfit apparently."

"I like your outfit. If you have more band t-shirts, you just became my favorite person in the world."

Well then, two can be flirting. Louis won't mind.

"I'll give you the papers later I need to send them to my father first."

"Sure."

"If you need help to bring your stuff I can call my best friend."

"I could use an extra pair of hands thanks. I might call mine as well if that's okay."

"No problem."

 . 

"He's so hot."

"Okay."

"Like he got those big emerald eyes and those muscular biceps and I'm pretty sure he got abs. But not Channing Tatum abs, more like cute little abs with a defined v-line. He's so kind and his flat is so big. He got this deep, raspy and slow voice that can whisper tons of naughty things I’m sure. He's so beautiful Zayn."

"Louis…"

"Did I tell you he got curls? Because he has. Beautiful and luxurious brown curls. And he got dimples. Zayn the guy got dimples and you know how I feel about dimples, I’m a sucker for d-"

"LOUIS!"

"Hmm?"

"Take a breath. You sound like a teenage girl with a crush."

"But Zayn you would have a crush too if you've been able to see him."

"I'm sure I will. Who are we talking about anyway? Some guy you saw on the street just like last time? I told you, you won't find your husband by walking around."

"He's my roommate."

"So you found a flat. That was fast that's great Lou." And after a bit. “Hang on? Did you just call me because you needed help to move boxes?”

"Pretty please with a cherry on the top?"  
   
When Louis left Doncaster, all of his stuff has been taken away in cardboard boxes, and a truck came to move them to London. That way, Louis took the train with barely anything, all of his belongings waiting for him in a storage locker. For once, in his life he has been organized and a responsible adult. It was a nice feeling.

The ride from the storage store to Harry's–his, flat was long and painful but after being stuck in traffic for forty-five minutes, he was finally back at the building front door. Zayn was waiting for him a cigarette in hand.

His best friend, Zayn Malik, was the kind of friends you automatically hated. He was good looking, successful and cool. No matter the weather his hair looked good, no matter the time of the year, he was wearing a black leather jacket and looked like a hot movie star. Most importantly, no matter the difficulty, he always got to show his works in the greatest art galleries of London. Louis really hated Zayn with all he had, but he was helping him at the moment so he had no right to complain.

"Hi teenage girl. Ready to live with the super hot roommate?"

"Stop it. And his name is Harry, you should have remembered."

"Louis and Harry. Sounds good to me."

"Shut up and hold the door while I'm bringing the first boxes in. Harry told me his bestfriend might come to help."

"Hope he's as hot as your Harry kid."  
   
He was, as hot, that is. His name was Liam James Payne–Louis got the whole introduction with a handshake. He seemed to be overly polite and got big brown puppy eyes. At first, he looked like just a cute guy with a tendency to be boring, but then you would take a proper look at his body and find massive biceps. The whole boring part was long forgotten; replaced by a mantra sounding like 'he could be a good shag, I wouldn't mind having sex, he could be a good shag, I wouldn't mind having him wreck me'. Zayn and Louis have always been people who could change their minds quite easily. Sue them.

That Liam boy was wearing a black tank top, skinny jeans and high top Converse. If Louis noticed the arms, the chest hair and the stubble on his chin, Zayn did too. He was almost drooling over him. Louis wasn’t sure who was the teenage girl with a crush between the both of them. The more they were getting older, the more they were getting ridiculous.

   
Except probably too many comic books and definitely too many Vans, Louis didn't have a lot of stuff with him and everything was in place in a couple of hours. He might need to go buy a desk but for now he thought succeeding to pay the bills monthly was enough of a challenge so it wasn’t time for overspending.

The closet was definitely too big for the small quantity of clothes Louis owned, but at least he knew he could buy more sneakers and still had enough place for storage. His Spiderman sheets were maybe a bit too childish for the place but he felt more at home with them. He also added some frames on the walls with pictures of his sisters and brother. He was a family boy.

Zayn had stayed with him for a while but soon left Louis and his boxes to ‘get to know Harry and his best friend’. Louis knew this was pure bullshit. He just wanted to stare at Liam and probably expected the guy to take notice and ask him out. Knowing his best friend’s appearance, Louis really had nothing to worry about. In a blink of an eye, both of the guys would be out, hailing a cab once downstairs and go fuck each other in one of their flats.

Louis wished it could be that easy for him but unfortunately it wasn’t. His lack of relationship was, slowly but surely, starting to take a toll on him and his right hand was tired. He would love to meet someone but fate hated him, he was sure of it and he had no luck so far. When Harry popped up in his mind he felt himself smiling. Maybe fate didn’t hate him that much after all.

.

When Louis came back into the living room, Zayn and Liam were still here to his surprise, sprawled on one of the couches. Harry was on the armchair, his legs crossed in a non-so-manly way and Louis made himself feel at home by sitting on the spare couch.  
Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis grabbed some beers after a while and talked about them to get to know each other. It turned out they all loved the same things and all got around the same age. Liam and Zayn were 24, Louis was going to turn 25 in less than two weeks and Harry was the youngest since he was only 23.

Liam was working in a huge Londoner company–big pay check at the end of the month included, and Harry was a student in law. His father was the one who was paying for the flat but Harry needed some company, reason why he looked out for someone to live with him. His choice seemed to please him and Louis wasn’t complaining either. The Yorkshire lad put his knees up to his chest and sighed deeply.  
   
Later that night, when everyone but Louis was fast asleep in the living room, he decided to take a proper look around the flat. He wasn't sleepy despite the day he just had and unfortunately for him he didn't have the chance to explore every corner of his new home when Harry showed him earlier in the morning.

A lot had happened since a few days and Louis kept wondering how this could be his life. A while ago, he was still living in a small town, struggling and failing in everything. Money, studies, relationships. Nothing happened the way it should have.

Louis had his whole life written in a small notebook since his fifteenth birthday. He wanted to become successful and do a job he likes. He wanted to find someone to spend the rest of his life with. At firs,t he had thought it would be with a woman but soon realized kissing boys was way better. He wanted to get married at twenty-four and got his first child at twenty-seven. Louis had planned every detail.

It was just plans though, dreams of a young teenage boy, knowing nothing about life and thinking the world he lived in was a bright and happy place. All his future shattered into pieces when his mum got cancer. It wasn't a part of his plan. He always thought his mum would be there to help him pay for college. He always thought his mum would comfort him if some guy broke his heart. He had thought, naively, that his mum would always be there, behind every single step of his life.

When she died, Louis died a little with her. He had five sisters and a brother to take care of. He was the oldest, the man, he had to do it, to take responsibilities. His two oldest sisters, Lottie and Fizzie, tried to help him as much as they could but it was still too hard to handle for a barely 19 year old boy. He had bills to pay, a house to clean and seven people to feed.  
He stopped his studies to find a job, worked extra hours during the night once he was sure everyone else was asleep in the house. He did everything in his power to make it look like everything was fine when in reality nothing was. He was exhausted constantly and still hasn't grieved properly, too busy making sure his family was alright.

If he wasn't alright it didn't matter. His own health and happiness was the less important thing to take into consideration.

Until the day he felt gravely sick of course. All the efforts he had to make, all the things he had to do, all the thoughts running through his mind 24/7 were too much to him. Physically and emotionally, Louis was drained after a year and a half. His body and mind put a halt to the situation before he could even protest. He needed to stop doing so much.

His sisters and brother had grown up. He had to help the youngest with a lot of things, including homework whereas he never was good at school. He needed to entertain them, go out as much as possible to still make them smile. He had to pay for the oldest when they wanted to go out with their friends. Louis always told himself he wouldn’t let his family live in misery. Never had he wanted them to feel like something was wrong. He was the one struggling to pay rents, not them.

Louis never let them knew how tired he was, always putting a smile on his face despite the questions. He never let them know how hard it was to feed so many people. He wanted them to have a great life. Their mum died but life needed to continue the same way it has always been. Louis naively thought he could do this for the rest of his life without any obstacles along the way. Someone must have disagreed along the way.

His two oldest sisters took the lead for a while. They helped, tried to do the things Louis used to do. He had weight and strength to gain back, he had feelings to deal with and most importantly he had a death to cope with.

For a while it continued like that but it soon became too complicated. His sisters, even if they were the oldest, were still too young to carry all that weight on their shoulders. It wasn’t their place to clean the house and bring money back home to pay for food and electricity.

Louis decided to call the only person he swore himself to never call years and years ago. The man had hurt everyone, his children, his wife and didn't even blink an eye when his seven kids were left all alone. Louis didn’t want to call him but he was too desperate not to.

He called his poor excuse of a dad.

He was surprised to hear from his son, wondering if something was wrong. Louis told him everything, he told him about the bills, the grocery shopping, the children to take care of and his current sickness. Of course, still being the same heartless bastard he was when he left his seven children, he blamed Louis. It was his fault if he had difficulties to keep everyone happy, it was his fault because he was too weak. He told Louis he needed to man up, to stop being a child. For the umpteenth time his father blamed it on the fact that he was gay, Louis hung up.

Surprisingly enough, Louis' aunt arrived a couple of days later.

She did more than anyone could have ever done. She moved in and worked hard to make the Tomlinson family happy again. She put her whole life on pause to take care of them all. She became like a second mother to Louis and he would forever be grateful. No one in his life had made that much for him and he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

After a few months, Louis finally got better, and he was finally able to do things for him and not for the other. He was smiling sincerely again, he was taking his sisters and brother to the mall or to the carnival. He was genuinely happy and realized he just needed someone to show him it was possible to move on with his life without forgetting about his mother.

She was still present in every step Louis took. She was in his heart and thoughts at least ten times a day, thinking 'She would have loved going there. If she was still here she would have bought that dress. She would have been proud of her children.'

A few years later, Louis figured he wanted more, he was tired of the same house, the same faces and the same places. He wanted to study again or at least find a job. He still wanted to meet someone and Suzy, his aunt, felt it. She kept asking him if he was okay, if he needed anything.

Louis kept everything to him until someday he poured his heart out. He finally told her he was actually tired. He wanted to see more, to experience new things. She understood and let him go, only asking for him to call once a week.

This is how Louis found himself in a huge flat at the moment. He wasn't escaping his past and responsibilities, he just wanted a different kind of responsibilities. Responsibilities that would matter to him and his own happiness. Not other's.  
   
So he wandered around the flat for a bit. He found pictures of Harry and his family down the corridor. Mostly just him and a younger woman who looked so much alike it was almost scary. His sister probably, Louis thought. What seemed to be his mother was also in a couple of pictures but his father never was.

When Louis reached the next room he took a look at all the kitchen utensils and accessories put on the various counters and shelves. There were even more in the cupboards and drawers but it was a whole new and unknown territory for him. Aside from the pans and the kettle, Louis was clueless.

When he heard footsteps coming into his direction Louis felt like a thief. Thinking he was in his own home was still a bit strange for him. He never had one for himself and even if living in this high class building was pleasant Louis would need a couple of weeks to get used to it.

"Enjoying what you're seeing?"

"I honestly don't know most of the things I'm looking at."

"You see this thing? It's to dig holes in apples, it's called a apple-corer. You used it when you want to get rid of the pips."

"Why would I need to get rid of those? You're supposed to bite into apples you know, then you're left with the core."

"What if you wanna bake apple pies? Or baked apples? Tatin pie?"

"I don't bake."

"That's a shame. I'll do one of these someday, you'll tell me if you like it."

"Okay chef, better keep that promise."

"I never promised anything."

"Give me your little finger."

"Are you five?"

"Oi shut it would ya! Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

Once the deal was sealed Louis and Harry chatted for a bit about the flat and the neighbors. Apparently there were only a few people living there permanently.

An old lady, Elizabeth, was living on the first floor. Harry liked her a lot because she used to bake him lots of biscuits when he was little. She was a close friend of his mum and Harry knew her since forever. If the glint in his eyes could show one thing, it was definitely fond affection.

A man in his late thirties was living on the second floor as long with a forty-five woman. Both of them were close neighbors but they never talked to the other people living there. Harry had tried to start a conversation more often than not but after a while he gave up and decided they weren't worthy.

On their floor lived a young woman called Eleanor. She was a bit clingy according to Harry, always flirting and literally falling in love with every new man she met. Louis made a mental to stay away from the flat 1242.

"Did she fall in love with you?"

"She understood I wasn't interested."

When Harry didn't make any further comment, Louis smiled contently and thought that yeah, Harry was probably gay. He could seduce him and maybe make the beautiful lad succumb to his charms. It was worth a try.

The fourth floor was strictly forbidden and a 'staff only' sign was pinned on the door according to Harry. He never saw someone going up there though and told Louis so. The Doncaster lad saw this as a challenge and made a mental note to discover what secrets the fourth floor was hiding.

Both Louis and Harry came back into the living room to find Liam and Zayn cuddle up on a couch, sleeping in each other arms and breathing in each other faces. None of them seemed to mind and Louis smiled despite himself. He was a hopeless romantic, a sap and mostly, he was happy for his best friend.

"They're… hm cute."

"They really are. Zayn surprises me though, he's into pussies."

"Oh."

"Yep.”

Noticing Harry fidgeting with his fingers nervously, Louis talked again.

“Are you bothered by gay people? I mean… Okay I didn't plan on coming out to you that fast and that way, but if it bothers you at least you… Anyway… I'm gay. Hope it's okay with you.” To lighten the mood Louis added “And well there will be no pussies around here so that's always a good thing."

"I'm bisexual." Was all Harry replied.

. 

"You didn't need a roommate to help you pay the rent, I got it. Plus, you’re not short on money for what I understood. However my dear Harold, I won't continue living under this roof without paying for anything."

"You entertain my long and boring days. And that's enough trust me, no need to pay."

"Ugh... My mum used to say I was the most stubborn person ever but obviously she hasn't met you yet at the time. I can't even cook to save my life and I don't like to tidy up things though so I'm basically useless around here, and as much as I love being taken cared of, this is getting ridiculous. I can’t just live here and watch you cook, clean the flat and pay the rent."

"What are you proposing then?"

"Paying, obviously."

"But I said no."

"Fine! I'll pay for the groceries then."

"You really don't have to do that."

"I want to."

“If you can’t pay you’ll tell me right? Like I don’t want to take all your money or anything.”

“What’s the point of this roommate thing if I’m not broke from time to time. The adult life my friend.”

“But-"

“Harold!”

"Okay…"

"Good. I knew you weren't that stubborn. Now you'll have to come with me to the store though because one, I don’t know where the closest one is and two I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to your hipster habits, vegetarian meals and all that shit."

"It's healthy."

"Whatever you say."  
   
Once they both arrived to the store, Louis instinctively went to the snacks while Harry went to the fruits and vegetables aisle. They were opposites but surprisingly enough they found themselves again in front of the cereal boxes.

"You were supposed to stay with me so you can see what I eat."

"Hmm.”

“See, you can’t even pay for the groceries since you don’t know what to buy. Let’s forget about all this, I’ll pay.”

“Harry for fuck’s sake I’ll pay! Don’t think I didn’t notice what you tried to do here. Let's make a deal, for a week you eat what I eat. If you don't like it, we'll come back here and I'll do some efforts to buy your shit."

"My 'shit', as you so nicely call it, keeps me fit."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"I would never."

Harry and Louis shopped together after that, bantering along the way as if they knew each other for years. Conversation flew easily between them and Louis was happy. It has been a long since he last clicked with someone that fast and he's missed it. Without even realizing it.

Back in Doncaster, Louis had many friends but only two really mattered. Zayn Malik and Stan Lucas. When Louis stopped hanging out with them because he had his family to take care of, Zayn stayed. He kept asking about the situation, helping him if he had some free time to do so. He understood why Louis wasn't with them as much as he used to.

They became closer and closer and even when Zayn left to study Art in London they called each other all the time. Without his new best friend, Louis wouldn’t be in the city today and he was more than thankful so far.

Stan on the other hand didn't understand, he just drifted apart from their group. It broke Louis' heart. Stan was his first friend, and definitely the best. He couldn't even remember passing a day without him. He was the big brother he never had and now it has been four years since Louis didn't hear a word from him. He was the last person he felt so connected to so easily.

Now Harry was standing next to Louis, smiling brightly at a joke the Yorkshire lad just said. There was something special about him. And he had the feeling they would soon feel connected.  
Louis didn't know him since a long time but he could tell he was sincerely happy about life. He seemed to enjoy everything and everyone, always finding random things the most interesting.

Last night, they had watched a wildlife documentary about elephants migrating before winter. In all honestly, Louis only listened to Harry's random comments while the other lad seemed genuinely fascinated by the show.

The documentary took place in Africa and showed how a whole family had to walk hundreds and hundreds of kilometers to find a spot to spend the cold days. The poor animals couldn't drink or eat for several days in a row and had to be careful because of the lions and other animals living in the desert. Harry sobbed a little at that and seemed so upset when one of the youngest died.

It was probably interesting to watch but all Louis could do was staring at Harry. He would gasp in horror or smile fondly. Sometimes his eyes would widen if he was surprised by one of the scenes. It was like watching a kid discovering the world for the first time.  
Harry was someone special and even if Louis didn't know him very well he could tell he would never get bored as long as he was with him.  
   
Once they had put everything they needed into two small baskets, Louis paid for the groceries and they carried the bags all the way through their flat. Both of the boys were panting once in front of their door, despite the fact that they took the lift to reach the third floor; they smiled at each other knowingly.

After putting away the bags into the kitchen, they both raced to the living room and lied face down on the couches. Both of the boys knew they looked like eighty year old grandpas, unable to carry bags for fifteen minutes, but they didn’t seem to care. They were exhausted.

Their eyes met again and they laughed hysterically for the next five minutes, rolling on their backs and clutching their tummies. They were ridiculous, laughing over nothing and already having inside jokes after a few days.

They were breathless when a knock could be heard at the door. None of them made a move to go open it but when a second knock, followed by a loud 'Oi fucker' reached the living room Harry stood up.

A few seconds later a young lad came in. He was blond but his roots looked rather brunette. He also had wide big blue eyes staring right at Louis but otherwise he seemed friendly enough.

"Am I interrupting something? You guys seem rather flushed."

"What do you- Oh. Niall!"

"What ‘Oh Niall’? Sorry Haz but your hair is a mess and you seem to have some trouble to breathe properly."

"You're an idiot. Louis, this is my other bestfriend, even if right now I'm reconsidering our friendship. Niall, this is my new roommate."

"The famous roommate Harry told me about. Nice to meet you."

"Same here. Hang on, Harry talked about me?"

"Here's the story. For months and months he was like a proper drama queen 'I'm never going to find a roommate. No one wants me. I'm going to live forever alone.' and all that crap. Then, surprise! Harry found a roommate and he rambled about the fact that it was the best day of his life and blah blah blah for hours."

"Is that so Harold?"

"Shut up."

"Ah he's already blushing and being a little shit, he likes you. Welcome into our squad. You already met Li yeah?"

"Yeah, first day I arrived."

"He's a nice lad. Heard he had a crush on a tan guy he met a few days ago. Always thought he was straight but hey, life is full of surprises."

“He does?” Harry said at the same time Louis asked "Zayn?"

"Yep that's his name. You know him? And yep man, Liam has a man crush. Who would have thought? Not me that's for sure."

"If I know him? He's my best mate. Can't believe that fucker didn't tell me. I'm the one who introduced them." Louis huffed.

"Well..." Harry interjected. "I'm the one who invited Liam to help you moving in. I think I'm the one he should thank."

"Details."

"I'm pretty sure that's important, if they got married I'll be the best man."

"What if I kick you in the balls? I'll be the best man."

"When you two stop flirting let me know." Niall groaned as he stood up. "I'll be in the kitchen."

Louis and Harry looked at each other and flushed, averting their eyes rapidly. They stood up as well and went to the kitchen. They met Niall at the counter, who was cooking pastas for the three of them, and helped him like they could. Harry cut the vegetables while Louis mostly watched them doing the hard work. Then the older lad set the table for them and sat, waiting for the meal to be ready. None of them complained about their dynamic.   
   
They all chatted easily after that. Niall was an easy going person, friendly and funny, always cracking a joke and laughing loudly. His Irish accent always making the other boys smile. His happiness and carefreeness radiating throughout the room.

He was born in Mullingar, a tiny town in Ireland, but came in England to fulfill his dream. He wanted to become a head chef, but became a bartender instead; he loved it all the same. He had the chance to meet lots of cool people who wanted to become singers and he was more than happy to be able to help them.

Every Thursday night he had an open night where solo artists came to sing some of their songs. At the end of the night, patrons were voting and by the 25th of each month, Niall would call back the winner. Usually, the lucky person would sing a whole night at the pub and get tips from the people listening to them. Louis promised he'll pass by.  
After a while, Harry informed Niall about his studies and his last exams while the Irish lad told Harry all about his last hookups. Apparently he wasn't too fond of relationships and commitment, but he wasn't fucking around all the time either. He was a man with needs and knew how to enjoy a good time.

Meanwhile Louis stayed quiet, listening carefully to their conversation and trying to understand what they were talking about. They were often mentioning names Louis never heard of and even if it was a bit confusing, seeing the two boys talking to each other was enough.

They seemed to have an amazing friendship and Louis felt a pang of jealousy. Of course, he had Zayn and he wouldn't change their relationship for anything in the world. He just wished he could be that close with Harry. Granted he only just met him, but in the near future Louis hoped he would develop a solid bond with his roommate.

"What about you Lou Lou? What's your back story?"

"‘Lou Lou’, I’m not five."

“You're as tiny, it fits you.”

“I’m not tiny.”

“Haz tell Lou Lou he’s tiny.”

“Well he's definitely shorter than me?” Louis purposely ignored him and answered Niall instead.

“Nothing crazy really, my life is pretty boring.”

"Oh come on I'm sure something happened. Something crazy, or naughty. Like a sex scandal in your hometown."

"Niall!"

"Oh I'm messing with him Haz, don't get your panties in a twist."

"I don't wear p-"

"Figure of speech. So Louis?"

"Hm I just met you so I probably shouldn't tell you that but if Zayn mentions it sometimes at least you’ll know."

"Is it bad?"

"Kind of? I'll keep some details to myself though."

"You don't have to tell us anything Louis."

"Don't worry H. Long story short, my mum died a few years ago and left me and my six sisters and brother alone. My dad wasn't in the picture so I had to take care of everything and everyone. It wasn't easy as you can imagine and after a while, once my oldest sisters were old enough, I decided to leave and start to live for myself you know. That's about it really."

Louis decided not to mention his illness and semi depression. It was still fresh in his mind and sometimes it was hard to deal with it. Sometimes, he still had some trouble to eat a complete meal, not used to have that much for himself, and most of the time he would do anything to please other people before himself. It wasn’t that big of an issue, but it could be surprising for a young lad to starve himself to let people around him be happy first.

Without any warning two arms flung around Louis and he was soon in a tight embrace with Harry. The curly lad had his face on his shoulder and his arms around his neck, hugging him for comfort. He mumbled he was really sorry for what happened, and told him he would always be there if Louis ever needed to talk. Louis let himself enjoy the warmth of the hug and was surprised by the sweet gesture.

All he could notice though was how strong Harry’s biceps seem to be, how intoxicating his scent was and how good he felt in his arms. The feeling was almost familiar, natural. It felt like returning home after a long journey. Louis took a deep breath and felt himself relax in an instant.

They just had met but by the way Louis’ blood was boiling trough his veins and Harry’s heart beating fast in his chest, it was easy to tell something else was up. Both of the boys were oblivious but Niall was watching the exchange in the distance and couldn't wait to figure out what it was.

. 

Since the afternoon Niall spent with Harry and Louis at their flat, they all became quite close, soon joking around and bantering like old friends. Niall had met Zayn just yesterday and they soon were just as close. It was nice to see how all five of them had fit together like puzzle pieces to form a new group.

Each one of them had a role, a particular trait that made them different from the others.

Niall was carefree, always laughing. Zayn was the mysterious one, he wasn't talking much but when he was it was always to help, give advices or share his point of view. It wasn’t just some useless talk thrown around. Liam seemed calm at first but if there was a prank to play he was always in. Louis was the sassy lad making remarks all the time. It wasn't rude comments but it definitely had a purpose, bother his friends.

And then there was Harry. He was always trying to make people smile, he was so caring and so generous. Louis couldn't believe the luck he had when he had found this boy as a flat mate. Of course the three others were nice but Harry was more than that.

He wasn't bothered Louis didn't cook or didn't tidy up his things. He didn't care if Louis was grumpy before at least eleven in the morning. Harry was an understanding person. He wanted the best for the people around him and knew how to make himself small if he felt like the person needed some space.

Louis had learned to love those qualities and couldn't imagine living with someone else. It was crazy of course, how Louis felt connected to him. He knew he was already in too deep after only a couple of weeks but he didn't know how to feel differently.

Louis was happy and that's all he cared about. He was finally thinking for himself first and if Harry was the person he needed in his pursuit of happiness, Louis was more than okay with that.

.  
   
Just like he had promised that afternoon, Louis was on his way to Niall's pub.  
He would have preferred to go on a Thursday night to see the local artists perform but he couldn’t wait to see all about this amazing place the guy kept talking about. Louis was curious and wanted to have his proper opinion.

When Louis reached the place, he was met with the sound of guitars and the loud chattering of patrons. The place seemed friendly enough and there was something in the air telling Louis he would spend a lot of time there. There was an energy Louis liked, the constant flow of music and laughter he had missed a lot when he was still at home.

Louis always wanted to see big. He was a joyful person, he wanted to enjoy every single moment of his short life. He always told himself he wouldn't have any regrets. The Yorkshire lad wanted to do everything he could to live his teenage years in the fast land, wanting his life to be full of excitement and he didn’t care about the danger that might occur because of his shenanigans.

When teenager Louis figured he wouldn’t be able do so, Louis told himself he was going to enjoy being an adult. Getting older for Louis Tomlinson wasn't just a boring job and a house with a small garden and a dog. Adulthood rhymed with fun and Louis was ready to make up for lost time.

He spotted Niall immediately, hearing his loud laugh in the corner of the room. He was wiping the counter with a small tea towel. His eyes widened and his smile brightened when he caught sight of Louis and he instantly left his side of the bar to come hug Louis.

The gesture surprised Louis but he didn't bother mentioning it and hugged the blond lad back. He scented like beer and chocolate, and even though the association was a bit weird, it was totally Niall-ish.

"Mate! 's nice seeing ya there. Glad ya could make it. Lemme introduce you to dat guy over there."

"I could have sworn your Irish accent wasn't that thick."

"Oh yeah sorry 'bout that. It's when I'm workin you know, lots of Irish people are coming here so I kinda feel at home."

"Aw Nialler is missing mummy’s meals."

"Piss off."

Louis chuckled the rest of the way until reaching a door in the back of the bar with the word 'private' written on it. When Niall pushed the door open there was a guy sitting behind the wooden desk. He seemed to be in his forties and despite his rather curvy body he looked energetic enough to run a place like this.

"Niall! What’s bringing ya there?"

"Remember when I told you ‘bout my mate who just arrived in London?"

"Louis was his name right?"

"Yep and here he is. Louis, this is my boss and long time friend Andy. Andy, this is Louis."

"Really nice to meet you." Louis told the man and then to Niall. "Did you talk about me to all your friends or something. I can't believe you were mocking Harry, you're just the same little leprechaun."

"Hey! Don't call me that. And if I told him about you it's simply because he mentioned he needed a new bartender."

"Are you- Did you find me a job?"

"Wow there I didn't hire anyone yet. How about you come here three times next week and show me what you can do? Then I'll decide." Andy spoke.

"Of course. I'll be there. Thank you so so much for the opportunity."  
   
During the week following that day, Louis came to the pub at five in the afternoon on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

He had no idea how he was supposed to mix cocktails or take people’s orders but thankfully Niall saw his distress in time and told him to pass by on Tuesday before his own shift. The Irish lad helped him for a couple of hours before he had to start working.

He showed him where the bottles of syrups and liquors were, how to wash glasses rapidly but efficiently and how to chip ice. He then told him how to remember the numbers of the tables but by then Louis was already too exhausted to remember a thing. He was sat on a bar tool with his head in his arms. He was also breathing heavily and made a mental note to start working out again.

He was definitely out of shape and he would need more muscles to keep up with a job like that. When he fell ill and add to regain strength after that, he mostly ate proteins and vegetables but unfortunately, even if it was healthy and good for his condition, it kept him thin.

Thin was good but fit was better he told himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do a seven hour shift if he didn’t start to hit the gym twice a week.  
   
Now it was Saturday night and Louis couldn’t even feel his feet anymore. It was only ten at night and unfortunately for him the pub was closing at one in the morning during the weekend. Louis knew he wouldn’t make it through the end of his shift if patrons kept being that thirsty and asking for a new drink every three minutes.

Besides, Louis was envious. Everyone was out there, laughing and drinking with their friends to ease the tension while he was working his ass off. He could have been out with the lads but he was stuck here. Since he still wasn’t an employee, the other bartenders weren’t that chatty at the moment and Niall wasn’t working tonight.

Since the beginning, the Irish lad had asked his boss if he could have his Saturday nights. Andy was surprised and quite reluctant at first because it was the most important evening of the week but when Niall had explained it was to go clubbing and live his young years like he wanted to, his boss let it go.

Niall was a lucky bastard.

After a few more hours and an aching back starting to become more and more painful, Louis was free to go. The pub was closed for the night and the tables were all cleaned up already. He was about to go get his coat and leave when Andy called him.

“Hey Louis! Wait a minute.”

“Oh hi Andy. What do you want?”

“Well it’s been three days right?”

“Oh my god. Please tell me this is good news. I know I’m not super fast when it comes to take orders or mixing cocktails but it will come I promise. Besides I really need that money.”

“Well I don’t know… I mean-“

“Oh no no no. Look, I can come back next week. If you want? I could prove you I’m good enough for this job and-

“Of course I hire you. Louis, the patrons love you. You’re smiling, always joking. There’s this sort of joy radiating wherever you pass by and that’s what I want here. I want people to come here to have a good time, not just to get drunk.”

“I’m- Fuck thank you so much Andy. I will forever love you after that, I swear this is just the best day ever.”

“Easy Louis. You should thank yourself, if you were a total jerk I wouldn’t have hired you. And of course, if you become a jerk I can still fire you.”

“I’ll be nothing but a kind and loving person, I promise.”

“That’s what I wanted to here. Have a good night Louis and come by my office on Monday, I’ll give you your schedule.”

“Sure. Thanks again Andy, have a nice weekend.”

If Louis smiled all the way down to his flat no one had to know.  
   
No one except maybe Harry. Maybe the Cheshire lad would actually see him in his euphoric state. When Louis came home around two, the younger lad was still awake, looking at his phone in the living room with his brows furrowed.

"Hey Harry."

"Oh hi Lou, you're home late."

"Yeah Andy wanted to talk to me before I left. Why are you still up though?"

“Just you know… A bit of a rough day I suppose.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No it’s okay. Nothing you can help with.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Yeah yeah don’t worry, it will get better. I’m gonna go to bed, have a good night Louis.”

“If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here you know. Night H.”

“I appreciate.” Louis heard Harry mumble before seeing him closing the door leading to his bedroom.

Louis would have wanted to ask more about it but he had learn through weeks of living with Harry that the lad wasn't sharing much about his life or problems. If he was still feeling poorly the next morning, Louis made himself promise to dig around a bit more, not wanting Harry to suffer in silence.

Louis went to bed shortly after, and couldn't whip the big smile on his face. He had found a job, and would finally be able to buy some furniture for his room and most importantly the groceries for Harry and himself. He had four amazing friends around him, even if he only had just met three of them.

He still needed a bit more, this excitement, this spark he hadn’t find yet but he knew it would come with time, and he wasn’t going to complain, because so far so good.

.

Louis started to miss his family deeply. It has been three weeks since he left home to move in London and the loss was huge and unfamiliar. Never had he left his house for more than three days in a row and since a couple of days, he kept thinking about his sisters and brother.

He kept thinking about their smiles or the way they were bantering. The way they always seemed to leave a mess on the living room’s floor when they were playing cards. Or the way they used to all snuggle up to each other while watching a Disney movie. Louis missed those nights where he didn’t have to work. They would all sit downstairs and stay up late, just enjoying each other’s companies.

He knew his two oldest sisters, Lottie and Fizzie, had found a place in a local university but the youngest were still at home. Since his aunt started to take care of them all, it was easier with money and when Louis left, his two sisters had decided they could give it a shot as well.

It was probably the good decision to make. Of course three people leaving the house must have been a lot to take in but Louis was certain things were easier for his four youngest siblings now that there were only five people left to feed.

Louis was also sure he made the right choice by leaving for London, he was happy and his family most certainly was too. It was all that mattered to him, the happiness of the people he loved.

Not seeing them every day was something he wasn't used to though. He knew he would have to go visit them soon or else he would go crazy.

Christmas was around the corner, same as his birthday, and he thought that maybe it would be the perfect opportunity to come back home for a week or a few days. He would have to ask Andy first, and he wasn't sure taking a week off after barely four days at work was the best thing to do, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least that’s what people around him were saying.  
   
Louis was working at the pub four nights a week and it was a bit difficult to hold a conversation longer than ten minutes with Harry.

The younger lad had courses in the morning while Louis was sleeping to have enough energy for his late shifts. When Harry was coming home, Louis was usually using the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. Once the Yorkshire lad was off to work, Harry had papers to do.

They were living under the same roof but the interactions between the two were getting rare and Louis missed that too.

He would love to be able to discover even more about the boy, to know how his studies were going and if he loved his family as much as he loved his. He wanted to know what was Harry’s favorite movie and favorite book. He wanted to know where he used to spend his vacation as a child. There were so many things to ask about him that Louis was becoming frustrated by this routine.

On his days off, Louis had started to go to the gym. It was quite expensive and Louis would most likely regret the extra expense at the end of the month but it was unfortunately necessary.

On the weekend though, both of the guys were usually chilling out and they could at least pretend to be flat mates.

Louis had to work on Saturday nights but his roommate had decided to say hi on his first shift and they both agreed it would become a habit. The lad's consummations were on the house but it was still nice to see a familiar face in the crowd of patrons.

It was a Monday now and Louis had the day off. Christmas was on Saturday and the pub would be closed for that occasion. Louis has been able to take four days off London and he was really excited about the prospect of seeing his family again. He would take the train on the morning, surprise his siblings and then spend Sunday, Monday and Tuesday with them.  
Everything was planned and Louis couldn’t wait any longer.

Harry didn't have any classes today and both of the lads agreed on the fact that waking up late was a very good idea.

It was around noon when Louis started to hear some noises around the flat and decided to get up. He was still a bit tired and his hair was probably a mess but he decided to forget about his appearance. He brushed his teeth quickly without looking at his reflection in the mirror and put some loose sweatpants on.

After walking down the corridor, Louis found Harry in the kitchen. He was cooking something that definitely looked like scrambled eggs and bacon and Louis tapped himself on the back. You were right to wake up lazy arse. The smell was divine and Louis really hoped there was enough for two.

Figuring out Harry still hasn't noticed him, Louis walked over him on his tip toes, trying to as careful as possible, until standing behind the taller lad.

Louis never really had the chance to take a proper look at Harry's body and he was surprised to find lots of tattoos on his left arm.

It seemed quite random at first, there was no real connection between them except maybe the love for nautical Louis noticed. From where he stood, he could see a ship on his left bicep and an anchor on his wrist. There was also a big and beautiful rose on his upper arm and Louis decided it was his favorite.

The older guy knew Harry had a broad figure since he first saw him but he never realized how broad exactly. His shoulders and arms looked strong while his back was muscular. Above the waistband of the large shorts Harry was wearing Louis could see two love handles though and it made him smile stupidly.

Louis was ridiculous. He knew he sounded like a schoolgirl since the day he moved in, thanks to Zayn who kept reminding it, but he couldn't help it.

If he was given the chance to describe Harry the same words would always leave Louis' mouth: attractive, caring, cheeky.

It really sounded like he was already in love but sue him.

His past boyfriends were, for once, quite rare, he could probably count them on one single hand. Two, Louis didn't really have time to get boyfriends back in Doncaster and when he actually found a guy it was most certainly a jerk.

Louis had promised himself to go clubbing once he would be in London but he still didn’t get the chance to. He had also promised himself that he would make up for lost time by fucking random blokes but apparently it failed too. It wasn’t that Louis was particularly in the need of fucking someone but well, it has been a long time.

He would fuck someone on New Year' Eve, that was it. And this was a promise he was going to respect.

Besides, it was mostly a shag to get back on track. To know all about the new flirting techniques and fashionable positions. He said he wanted to start enjoying his life and having sex was one way to do it.

Also, for now, Harry was out of reach and it was just the perfect amount of time Louis needed to find his technique back. He knew he used to be good at giving heads and he wanted to be sure to be ready the day he would finally get a hold on Harry.

Nothing wrong with that really.

He didn't see his roommate as a target, not really, he was just so bloody attractive it was frustrating for Louis. He loved green eyes and dimples, so what if Harry had those two? It wasn't Louis' fault.

The other slight problem was that Louis was getting more and more horny. When he first had the urge to get himself off, he has been afraid Harry might hear him. He wasn't shy in bed but he didn't particularly want his new roommate to see him as a guy obsessed with sex.

The first time he did it, Louis was in the shower and try to muffle all his sounds by biting into his bottom lip. When Harry asked him why he was bleeding, Louis blushed and left for work. He figured it wasn't the best idea he ever had.

Now Louis was trying to jerk off when Harry wasn't there, just after waking up most of the time, but it wasn’t exactly the feeling he was looking for and Louis always got to the same conclusion, he needed to get laid.

Simply for practice and convenience obviously. Nothing more, nothing less. End of story.

Seeing Harry right in front of him, only wearing grey sweatpants hanging low low low on his hips wasn't helping with Louis’ little infatuation though. His roommate was hot, nice and so far he hasn't showed any interest in someone else.

So no, Harry wasn't his target and his goal wasn't to get into his pants when he would know how to use his tongue again. However, Louis wouldn't mind if something needed to happen. He wouldn't mind at all. And he would even be okay with making things go a little faster. Like wearing loose boxers or something. But that’s all he would do, yep.  
   
Startled from his thoughts by a twitch of his cock, Louis resumed his previous actions and when he was sure Harry wouldn't hurt himself because of the assault, the shorter guy walked even closer to him and jumped on his back. He was just helping his fate.  
Harry yelped in reply, surprised by the new intruder. When he turned his face around and noticed it was Louis, Harry's face broke into a smile. His dimples were showing and Louis could do nothing but poke one with his right hand. It only made Harry grin wider.

Maybe getting into his pants was Louis’ main goal after all.

"Hello stranger." Harry chuckled. "What's bringing you here? Was it the smell of food?"

"Maybe. I really hope you made enough for the both of us."

"I was actually going to bring you breakfast in bed."

"Really?"

"No."

"But..." Louis pouted like a child for a good twenty seconds before he lost it and grinned back at Harry. "It would have been really nice of you."

"Unfortunately I don't want crumb on the sheets. And since I'm not your maid and that I don’t clean your bedroom, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be too happy if you had to change your sheets already. No breakfast in bed for you."

"Not fair. I'll eat all your bacon."

"We’ll see."

“You don’t think I’m capable of being sneaky enough?”

“I’m sure you’re not capable of that. You may look mischievous but you’re a real softie.”

“I am not.”

“You totally are.”

“I am n-“

They were soon interrupted by the smell of a slightly overbooked piece of bacon and Harry was fast to remove the pan from the stove. Louis took that as his cue to get off of Harry’s back and decided to make tea.

He had recently discovered that Harry was drinking nothing but green tea because it was full of antioxidants and good for whatever part of his body while he himself only drank Yorkshire tea.

Once everything was ready they both took at sit at the kitchen table and ate in silence.  
Louis caught Harry watching him with a frown on his face once or twice but he decided not to comment.

.

Louis was restless.

He kept turning in bed, unable to fall back asleep but also too lazy to get up. It was cold in his room now that winter was finally there and Louis refused to leave the warmth of the blankets.

He wanted to get up though, he had so much energy to burn. He was sweating because of all the twisting since the last thirty minutes, but it still wasn’t enough to make him feel less on the edge.

There were two reasons for Louis’ current mood.

One, he was so ready to see his family again that he couldn’t spend an hour without thinking about it. His face would immediately break into a smile and he would enter a state of pure joy and excitement.  He kept playing scenarios in his head and kept imagining the reactions of his siblings. In his mind, everything was perfect and he was looking forward to see how it will go in reality.

Two, Louis had a bad feeling. He was nervous and he didn’t even know why. He just felt it.

Sometimes you had the impression that something bad was about to happen. You could feel it in your guts. You couldn’t really explain what was bothering you and why or when the awful announcement will be out but you could just feel something was bound to fall apart.  
Usually this something wasn’t a good something and Louis really hoped it had nothing to do with his family. He wasn’t ready to learn one of his sisters was sick or something.

It was a risk he himself learned to live with but he couldn’t imagine his family suffering from it. Since his mum got cancer, they had run tests and the doctors said all her children could get one too. It was apparently hereditary and women were particularly affected.

Of course his mum had to give birth to five girls and only two boys, of fucking course.  
Louis was probably over thinking all of this and most certainly over reacting but he was worried and as the big brother of the family he couldn’t let anything like that happen. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it since he wasn’t a doctor, or a magician curing diseases for that matter, but he could at least have some faith.

However, Louis still wasn’t feeling it today.

After a cold shower, supposed to waken Louis and pushed all his bad thoughts away but did nothing, Louis was even colder.

He was shivering like a leaf, despite the huge and fluffy sweater he has put on, when he entered the kitchen and found Harry lacing his bright yellow sneakers.

“Going out for a run?”

“No, going to go to the gym actually.”

“The gym.” Louis exclaimed.

That was what he needed. Of course it was. Louis was still as fidgety as before and nothing better than a bit of sport to ease the tension. He was going to burn down those damn calories, feel the pain in his muscles and then he would feel much better. He was sure of it.

Except apparently everything Louis was doing today was meant to fail. He thought a cold shower would help, it hasn’t. He thought the gym would help, it hasn’t.

It was actually quite the opposite. The more Louis was running on the treadmill the worse things were getting.  
The reason had a name, Harry Styles. Harry Styles wearing black shorts and yellow sneakers. Harry Styles wearing a pink headband on his head to keep his hair in place. Sweating Harry Styles doing pushups. Flushed Harry Styles doing squats. His biceps were obscenely big, his abs ridiculously strong and his v line frustratingly well defined.

Harry was now lying on a mat, panting hard and Louis couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

Louis was even more restless than before, his fingers tingling with want and his lower abdomen fluttering with need. He wasn’t sure if waiting to get back on track was necessary anymore. He was fairly certain he could blow Harry with his eyes tight shut and his hands tied behind his back.

When the younger lad started to stretch on his mat, doing something that looked a lot like yoga, Louis lost it. He stopped running, sat on a bench and watched Harry from behind. He didn’t even care if he was drooling over him like a pervert.

Harry’s butt was tiny but cute, his legs long and muscular and all Louis could do was stare. In a total creepy way but no one was here to tell him to stop.

Harry was bent over, his arse up in the air while his hands and feet were both well anchored on the floor, when Louis felt his dick twitched in interest.

Going to the gym was one of the worst ideas he ever had and he started to think moving in with Harry was also one of those.

Of course it could lead to a beautiful romance. God knows Louis wanted that. He acted like a though guy wanted to fuck random blokes and he knew he wanted to enjoy life but deep down, he wanted that beautiful love story. The one that gave you butterflies and made you forget about everything but your other half. Louis wanted someone to look at him fondly and tell him ‘I love you’.

Until this beautiful happy ending though, it was leading to a sexually frustrated Louis. Louis was screwed. And maybe a little bit in love.

.

That night, after the end of both of their shifts, Niall and Louis were walking back home and chatting when the Irish lad offered to do what seemed to be the best thing in the world, getting drunk.

Louis should have thought about it sooner. If physical activity didn’t help to ease his nerves, alcohol would do the job.

"We need to spend a night together, all five of us, and get proper wasted!"

"Niall you're proper wasted most of the days already."

"True. But drinking alone isn't fun."

"You were drinking with a hot brunette last night."

"No.”

“Niall I saw you. Besides you were supposed to be working instead of flirting.”

“She was pretty okay.”

“But it didn’t end the way you wanted?”

“Her name was Rebecca. I wanted her to wait for me, go back to her flat and tell her to ride me, she refused. I drank more. End of story."

"Sad."

"Don't mock me. Anyway. Tell the other guys about it okay."

"Yeah. Maybe we’ll do that tomorrow night since we’re both off.”

“Sure."

.  
   
“Honey I’m home.”

“In the kitchen darling.”

Louis smiled stupidly and felt his cheeks burning hot. Two could play along it seemed.

“Why are you still awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Again?”

“Yeah just something bothering me lately.”

“I’m sure it will get better. Oh and I'm sorry you know, for not being there at night."

"It's okay. It's still better than when I was always by myself. Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

Louis felt a pang of sadness at the mention of Harry living here, in this huge flat, all alone, but let it go. At least for this time.

“It’s okay. Go to bed, I’ll just make a sandwich.”

Harry was about to leave when Louis remembered his conversation with Niall.

"Oh wait a minute, Niall talked to me about a lads’ night. He wants us to get proper drunk."

"Seems like Niall."

"Always drinking right? It wasn’t just me.”

“Definitely not. I’ve known since a few years now and there isn’t a week without him calling me and declaring his love. Obviously he’s always drunk during those phone calls. He wouldn’t call me pretty without at least four beers in.”

“Finally something to blackmail him.”

“He doesn’t care unfortunately. Plus Niall is a happy and loving drunk, that could have been worse.”

“True. So you're in?"

"Sure. We'll need to tell Liam and Zayn."

"Definitely, that will be lots of fun I’m sure."

“It will.”

. 

Louis will turn 25 tomorrow and instead of being restless like the day before he was just plain sad. Twenty-five. That was a scary number to him, and definitely too big. He wasn’t ready. At all.

He never wanted to grow up; you could say he was a bit like Peter Pan. But life kind of screwed him over and his past sort of forced him to become mature rather quickly. No eternal innocence and happiness for him.

Tomorrow was also Christmas Eve though, which meant he would see his family in less than two days. Something to lighten the mood and pass the day he supposed.

What will help pass the day was also the prospect of getting drunk with the boys. They never really hung out together, all five of them all at once that is, and he couldn’t wait. Besides, something was still bothering him and one, or five, shots of vodka would probably help.

He thanked whoever god was willing to listen to him for making Thursday his day off and decided he rather liked this day, even if he was turning quite old in a few hours.  
   
It was around eight in the evening when Louis decided it maybe was time for him to take off his sweatpants and greasy shirt to put a nice pair of jeans on. Only his friends would be there but so would Harry. He was considered as a friend, of course he was, but he could become more and Louis was so ready for the night.

He couldn’t wait to see what kind of drunk he was. Louis was rather touchy and he hoped his roommate would be as well. He needed to look proper nice, he was on a mission and this mission had a name: get into Harry Styles pants.

Content with his appearance, Louis had opted for a red shirt hanging low on his collarbones and black skinny jeans making his ass look marvelous, he styled his hair in a messy type of way and brushed his teeth.  
He knew he wasn’t going out and the three other guys probably wouldn’t mind if he looked like shit but Harry was the only matter in hand at the moment and Louis did care if he looked like shit. He couldn’t fail his mission with a wrong choice of outfit.

When he exited the bathroom, Harry was on the couch waiting for the lots of them to arrive and Louis sat next to him. If he sat a little closer than necessary, Harry didn't mention it.  
Louis figured he was right to sit that close though because Harry stared at him as if he wanted to eat Louis alive.

Part one of his evil plan: pick a sexy outfit. Check.

Let the night begin.  
   
"Let's drink." were Niall first words when he walked into the flat. He had four bottles in his hands, probably stolen for the pub they were both working at, while Liam and Zayn were following behind with hot and smelly pizzas. They looked rather close to each other if you’d ask Louis.

"Niall we barely even said hi. Sit down for a minute would you."

"What's the point of sitting? Sitting’s boring."

"You really need to get laid Niall you're grumpy."

"’m not grumpy."

"You definitely are. Maybe try to find a nice girl who doesn't only want a meaningless hook up." Liam proposed.

"It's not because you two are happy together that everyone is made for commitment."

“Who’s happy together?” Louis asked.

“Zayn and Liam.” Niall replied like if it was the dumbest question in the world.

“Zayn and- Zayn! Why didn’t you tell me? You guys met like three weeks ago and you’re already- I need a drink. Niall hand me a bottle.”

“We’re not together.”

“Of course you are. I saw you staring fondly at each other all the way down here Liam. Do not lie to me.”

“Niall, really we’re not.”

“You so are.”

“Niall…”

“Fine! I’ll trust you on this one. You’ll soon be together though, I’m telling ya.”

Liam and Zayn blushed, Louis huffed in annoyance, Niall smirked smugly and Harry smiled kindly.

Because Harry was always kind and caring. He probably felt bad that the two boys have been in the spotlight right after their arrival. Fuck Harry and his perfection. Like why was he so great. It wasn’t fair really. Louis hated Harry. And dimples. Fuck he hated dimples so much. He really needed those five shots of vodka.

Louis was saved from a further rant by Niall talking again.

“We should do a game."

"Not truth or dare Ni, we aren't teenagers anymore."

"Oh come on it's fun."

Since Niall apparently had all of the lads wrapped around his fingers, they all agreed. Without even complaining.

"Truth or dare?" Niall started.

"Truth." Harry replied.

"What's Eva kinkiest habit in bed?"

"Who's Eva?" Zayn asked.

"Hm… My girlfriend."

"You got a girlfriend?" Zayn perked up, his eyes wide.

"You didn’t tell them?" Liam perked up.

"You never talked about her." Zayn agreed.

"Hmm it never really came to be honest. And I don't see her a lot."

"Only on Tuesday." Niall added.

"You all knew then?" Zayn continued.

"We’re his best friends."

"True."

"How long has it been?"

"Three years."

"Three years? Styles you're basically engaged at this point. Congrats."

"So, what's Eva kinkiest habit in bed?" Niall questioned, clearly getting impatient. This kid and his obsession with sex.

"That's oddly personal…"

"Aww our little Hazza is blushing. But since it's only the first turn, I'll be kind and there will be no dare for your lack of answer. Louis you're next." Niall announced, and after not getting an answer, he asked "Mate you're okay?"

"Lou you're a bit pale. Is it the alcohol?" Harry asked kindly.

“I knew you were a pussy. Can’t even handle alcohol and you’re working at a bar.” Niall laughed and Liam followed.

Harry was watching him carefully, his eyes full of worry, while Zayn seemed to understand why Louis wasn’t replying. He knew him. If Louis was silent all of a sudden it was because he was either surprised, deeply disappointed or sad. Right now he seemed to be a bit of the three.

When Louis spoke up, his voice was weak.

"I- I just- I think I'm gonna go to bed. I don't feel well suddenly."

"Do you want me to come?" Zayn asked and Louis could see pity in his eyes. He really didn’t need any pity right now. He was fine.

"I'm okay. I'm just tired. Yeah quite tired suddenly. Sorry lads."

"Lou, do you need anything?" The taller lad questioned and it just made Louis even weaker. Of course Harry would ask. Of course he would propose his help to make him feel better because he was like that. Always making sure everyone was okay. Only this time he was the one responsible.

"No! No... It's fine."

Expect it wasn’t, fine that is.

Louis wasn’t fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments.
> 
> [come say hi on tumblr](http://thekingstylinson.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotion and revelation, things are starting to make sense and Louis is still in love.

_"Is Eva good in bed?"_

_"Who's Eva?" Zayn asked._

_"Hm… My girlfriend."_

_my girlfriend my girlfriend my girlfriend_

Those were the words on repeat in Louis’ head for the last five minutes. Or maybe forty seconds. Louis wasn’t sure of anything at the moment. He was vaguely aware he was in his living room but that was about it.

He could hear his friends talking, asking questions to Harry. All Louis could do was staring into space though. The questions weren’t clear. It was just a loud and disturbing chattering around him, a mess of voices. Louis couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. He was motionless.

His head was starting to hurt, a light throbbing becoming more and more persistent. His heart was beating fast, too fast. A bitter taste was filling his mouth, Louis wanted to puke. And he was fairly certain it wasn’t because of the alcohol.

Harry had a girlfriend.

As in Harry was a straight guy in a committed relationship. A three years relationship on top of that.

How did Louis manage to be that dumb? He should have noticed Harry wasn’t gay. Louis was such a fucking idiot. He wanted to cry.

Fate must be laughing its ass off at the moment. Louis has been pining over a straight guy for weeks. He even jerked off thinking of him for fuck’s sake. When Louis thought he could finally have a proper relationship, when this cute guy has already made his way to his heart and soul. How ironic, Louis thought, falling for his straight roommate.

Louis wanted the ground to swallow him. He wanted to dig his own grave and never come back. Fuck. Louis had thought, stupidly enough, that if his life hasn’t been easy when he was a teenager it was a sort of lesson.

He cared about his friends and family but that was it, he didn’t care about school or grades. He didn’t like to take responsibilities. He was carefree and naïve, always joking around and playing pranks. He didn’t care if he appeared rude to some people from time to time. He was sassy and he was more than okay with that.

He thought life screwed him over to teach him how real life was.

Life wasn’t just a whole party with no end. Living meant seeing people you loved dying. It meant you wouldn’t always get what you wanted.

For a moment he also thought that Doncaster was a place up to no good. This was the place his parents got into a divorce. It was the town where Louis grew up and lost most of his friends. Doncaster was where his mum got cancer. Louis thought leaving for London would solve everything.

Damn he was so ready to finally let the curse behind. Louis was ready to find a cute guy and move on. He wanted to leave behind his disrespectful teachers who told him he would never amount to anything. He wanted to forget about the people he dared to call ‘friends’ once.

Louis wanted all that and here he was. The curse would follow him wherever he would go it seemed. It also looked like the curse was on Louis and not on Doncaster. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be happy after all, maybe he didn’t deserve to find a boyfriend ready to love him for who he was.

 

But Harry was so attractive. He had deep dimples and Louis wanted to poke, lick and kiss them. Louis wanted to kiss Harry’s torso as well, and his lips. God he wanted to kiss his lips so badly. He wanted to bite his skin and leave marks all over his collabornes.

He also wanted to laugh with him, watch movies and go to the park. After a shift he wanted to go back to their flat and find Harry at the kitchen table, waiting for him with a glass of red wine and a home cooked meal. He wanted so many things.

He refused to let those thoughts overwhelmed him though, he categorically refused to think like that. Harry was just his roommate he met a month ago. He couldn’t imagine a future with someone he barely knew. It wasn’t the right thing to do, it would make Louis even more upset. If he kept thinking about Harry that way, he would keep thinking he was worthy enough to have a happy ending. Expect he wasn't. Louis definitely sounded depressive but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help thinking Harry was good for him.

He just felt it, from his head to toes. When Harry was smiling, Louis couldn’t help but smile too. He kept teasing him to see how he would react and Harry had played along. He flirted back and grinned back. Louis was sure of it. Harry wasn’t bothered by his attempts.

Fuck, Harry even told Louis he was bisexual. He lied to him.  _Why why why._ Was the only question in Louis’ mind.

Expect maybe Harry was bothered. Louis remembered Harry frowning. He also noticed something was upsetting him, preventing him from sleep. Louis ignored it, thinking it was just something personal Harry wasn’t willing to share. He thought naively he wasn’t the reason of it all except that maybe he was.

Maybe Harry didn’t like it at all when Louis was teasing him and cracking some jokes to flirt. Louis really wanted to cry now. He was so sure of it, so sure he could get Harry to like him back.

 

When Louis spoke again, his voice was hoarse. He had a lump in his throat threatening to break an ocean of tears free.

"I- I just- I think I'm gonna go to bed. I don't feel really hm w-well."

"Do you want me to come?" He vaguely heard Zayn ask. He was his best friend, he wanted to help of course, but Louis didn’t want any help at the moment. He just wanted to be all by himself and think about how miserable he was. When he looked up, he could see pity in his friend’s eyes and this was the last thing he wanted to deal with.

Louis’ life was shit, he knew it, no need for people to remind it to him.

When his mum passed away, people at school all came to him saying kind words and offering their condolences. They all looked at him with their eyes full of pity for the poor guy who just lost his mum. Expect for Louis it wasn’t just that, he didn’t just lose his mum. People at school didn’t know how it was at home and instead of hypocritical pity he could have used some help.

"I'm okay. I'm just hm tired. Yeah quite tired suddenly. Sorry lads."

Louis was anything but tired but he still felt weak. Like going home after a lost battle, the shoulders slumped and the skin pale. Louis looked like someone who just gave up and in a way he did.

He knew he was overreacting, it wasn’t the first time someone he liked didn’t like him back, he would get over it eventually.

Louis knew he wasn’t that attractive and that funny, he knew his past could be a lot of baggage for someone. He didn’t have a job that paid extremely well and at almost 25 he never lived alone. Louis wasn’t that muscular guy everyone loved or the smart lad boys liked to hang out with. He knew that, but it still hurt the same because Louis wasn’t seeing himself as a failure either.

He took more responsibilities as a teenage boy than most of the people would ever take in their entire lives. Louis was brave and he didn’t let other people tell him what to do or who to be. He refused to let his father’s words get to him. Louis wasn’t a failure, he had a bad early life but he get through it and it made him become stronger.

So yes, Louis was overreacting. If he got through all this with only a few scratches he could get through a heartbreak.

Except right now all he could think about was how Harry could have been the one for him. He had everything Louis had ever dreamt of for a boyfriend. He wasn’t just a pretty face. Harry had a witty soul and a kind heart.

Harry was special, different from the others and Louis was so mad at himself to even think someone that great would be gay for him.

"Lou, do you need anything?" Harry asked after a bit and he just made Louis want to cry even harder. It made Louis weak at the knees.

Because Harry was so fucking perfect, it hurt. Of course he would offer his help because he wanted to make Louis feel better. Because even if he would never like Louis the way the Yorkshire lad wanted, he was still kind and loving enough to consider him as a friend. Or a close friend even, if their constant bantering was any indication.

Except that’s all they were, friends.

"No! No... It's f-fine."

When Louis stood up to leave for his room, he could hear Zayn comforting Harry.

"It's not against you Harry."

"Hm…"

“Hey, he cares about you so he’ll come around. Don’t worry.”

Louis hoped Zayn was right, he really hoped he would, come around.

 

That night, Louis couldn’t find any sleep. His head was throbbing and hurting, his thoughts were a mess and he still had a large lump in his throat.

He made himself promise not to cry, Louis was strong, he wouldn’t cry over something as simple as that. He kept saying it was alright, Harry was just some other guy but even without saying that out loud it sounded fake.

Louis didn’t know how he could face Harry. He was his roommate for crying out loud, how was he supposed to act like nothing happened?

Every time he would look into his eyes he would think about it. About the fact that Harry was very much straight. He would look at him and all Louis would be able to feel was sadness. Sadness and anger for being so dumb. He wasn’t supposed to find a hot roommate. He just wanted a flat to live in, a place to sleep at night after a long day at work.

Becoming friend with his flat mate was of course something he wanted to, falling in love with him not so much.

Of course he didn’t know if he was in love or not, it was probably too soon to tell, but Louis knew his infatuation wouldn’t fade away in a blink of an eye. It was necessary though, this crush couldn’t keep existing, Louis would have to move on with his life. How was he supposed to do that though? Surely seeing kind and beautiful Harry every day wouldn’t help.

However something was bothering Louis. Sure, Harry was in a relationship and Louis got it. He wasn’t looking for something wrong or anything. Of course he was upset, it was clear to everyone. And maybe he was kind of jealous too because that Eva girl had the chance to see Harry in a way Louis would never.

Thinking about that girl though, there was something weird. Louis never heard of her.

Fair enough, Louis and Harry weren’t best friends and it has only been a month since he met him but they talked, a lot, and even then Louis never heard of her. He absolutely never heard her name in a conversation, never heard a phone call to some girl, instead maybe his mum and sister. No one ever came to their flat to meet with Harry. There was no pictures, no evidences of her in the flat.

Louis couldn’t be one hundred percent sure of that last point since he never really went to Harry’s bedroom but he was still sure that his guessing was the right one.

Of course, you didn’t have to put posters of your lover all over your walls when you were in a relationship. It was okay to keep it to yourself but there was some signs that couldn’t be misinterpreted. Louis has never been in love himself but he knew, he knew how you would look, the way you would smile or act if you were. Harry didn’t even seem a little bit in love.

Louis was no one to judge of course, the younger lad could be really shy. Or maybe he didn’t like to show people his emotions and feelings but Louis knew this was a big lie he was telling himself to defend Harry.

This girlfriend story was strange and Louis knew it. Maybe for now he was sad because Harry was most certainly straight but he was on a new mission. He didn’t care if he was crossing boundaries, he was focused, he had a purpose.

That mission had a name: find the truth about Harry’s love life.

*

With all the questions rushing through Louis' mind, he spent the night thinking and remembering every little thing he did with Harry. He took time recalling their conversations. He tried to be careful to the details, the things that at the time sounded unimportant.

Louis took his time searching for something Harry might have said or done, proving he was in fact very straight and in a relationship. His head was throbbing because of all the thinking but he wanted to find what he was looking for. He wanted to put a hand on  _the_  detail, the word, the gesture, that could have changed everything.

Despite all his efforts Louis found nothing. Not a single lead to something bigger, he had no clue and his mission was failing so far. He was exhausted when the sun began to rise and he fell asleep around seven in the morning, his eyelids too heavy to stay open even a for few minutes longer.

He dreamed about Harry and his narrow waist. His curls and his long and slender legs. The curve of his lips and the shape of his nose. Louis dreamed about the floral shirts he was wearing, the tight  _tight_  jeans he put on. The way he was walking, the way he was acting around other men. He dreamed about Harry being Harry.

It wasn’t about the details, he was just about the person that Harry was. His whole self was indicating the same thing. Even in his dreams Louis didn’t like clichés, but Harry was definitely not straight. Not with the way he was carrying himself.

 

When he woke up, Louis was sweaty. His clothes from the day before wrinkled and smelly. His head was still hurting and so was his stomach. Fucking vodka shots.

He could hear some ruffling around the flat and Louis was well decided to stay in bed for the whole day. He didn’t want to run into Harry just now, even if he would have to eventually. He didn’t want to see Zayn and pity written all over his face either.

He would gladly use some painkillers and a glass of water though. Besides, Louis was a grown up man, he was brave and strong and it wasn’t some ruined night that was going to stop him. Fuck, Louis wasn’t afraid. He was twenty-four and…

And that’s when everything hit him like a truck. Or a brick wall. Something heavy enough to take his breath away. He fell back on his bed immediately.

Louis was no longer twenty-four. Today was his birthday, he was old and everything was shitty.

His birthday also meant it was Christmas Eve, meaning today was supposed to be a great day. Staying in bed heartbroken and hungover wasn’t on the program. Louis decided getting drunk could be on the program.

Of course it wasn’t the best idea of the century considering he was already sick from the alcohol he drank the night before but he had no one to spend Christmas Eve with and it was his birthday so it seemed like a good enough idea at the end.

You were supposed to party when it was your birthday and unfortunately for Louis, Christmas Eve wasn’t a night you spent partying with your friends. It was the perfect occasion to meet up with your family. You were usually spending the night eating a good meal and laughing, remembering the good old time and telling embarrassing stories while eating cake.

Christmas Eve was something a lot of people were looking forward to and when it was finally there, celebrating Louis’ birthday was the last thing to do on their list.

Louis once again was probably overreacting and maybe he sounded like a drama queen but he had all the right to do so. He wouldn’t meet his family until tomorrow and being twenty-five sucked so he could at least take a day off to mope around and be over dramatic.

Louis was that girl we could see in every single american movie. The one wearing the tiara with ‘Birthday Princess’ written on it, sat in the corner of her living room and watching his house being torn apart by drunk people. Louis was that girl who threw the party but that no one was talking to.

The guests probably too busy dry humping on the couch and doing stupid alcohol contests.

Louis was that girl. The girl with her birthday ruined because she thought she would make friends by inviting his whole school but in reality no one really cared about her. They were just here for the booze and the weed.

This year Louis didn’t want to be that girl. He wanted to get pissed drunk, he wanted to fuck a random stranger in the restroom of a nightclub and enjoy his life in London. Fuck, Louis was now twenty-five and it was time for him to do what twenty-five year old lads were doing.

He would ask Zayn to come with him though, he couldn’t do this alone, in a city he barely knew.

 

When he left his bedroom the flat was surprisingly quiet. Harry’s sneakers weren’t by the door so Louis presumed he was out for a run. To get rid of the toxins from yesterday night or some shit.

Niall was sleeping on the couch, a leg on the armrest while the other was on the floor. His mouth was wide open and he was snoring quietly. If Louis was in the mood, he would probably draw a penis on his forehead and take a picture to post it on Instagram but decided he was a responsible man, if only for a bit, so decided against it.

Liam and Zayn were nowhere to be seen and knowing they were both early risers they probably went back home. Louis would have to call his best friend then. But maybe after taking two or three painkillers.

 

"What do you mean you can't tonight?"

"I'm going out."

"Well that's just what I wanted to do. How amazing is that? Let me come with you."

"I can't Louis.”

“It’s my birthday Z, how can you do this to me?”

“I know and I tell you I was sorry.”

“And! It’s Christmas’ Eve. Where are you even going on Christmas Eve? Aren't you supposed to spend time with your family?”

“We don’t have any family to see before tomorrow.”

“Perfect so I can come.”

“I'm going on a date Lou."

"A what? Zayn Javaad Malik is going on a what?"

"A date..."

So Louis was surprised and really that was totally fair. Zayn Malik didn't do relationship, he didn't go on dates and all he cared about was pussies. Expect maybe since he laid eyes on Liam. Maybe Zayn wasn’t as straight as a ruler after all.

One night stands were his only physical activities though and according to his fit body he did that a lot. And he was probably good at it. He still wasn’t a guy for committed relationships.

And he was single. He said it last night when Niall talked about Liam and Zayn. Fair enough they both blushed and looked like schoolgirls but they said they weren’t together. Who could he be dating? And why was everyone lying about their love lives lately? First Harry and now his best friend. Louis didn’t deserve any of those lies. It was his birthday for fuck’s sake.

"And who is the lucky one?"

"I'm not sure I can tell you."

"Wow Zaynie that is pure bullshit, we're telling each other everything."

"I know but I'm sure if he'll be okay with that."

"Did you just say 'he'?"

"Zayn answer me."

_bip bip bip_

"Did you just hang up on me? Fuck you Zayn Malik, fuck you. I'll go get drunk all by myself."

 

So Louis got drunk, like really drunk. And he wasn’t sure where his flat was anymore but he would find it eventually. London couldn’t be  _that_  big. Or maybe it could, since it’s been an hour since Louis was walking around.

It was dark and chilly, the December weather not really appropriate for Louis’ small jacket. But he wanted to be hot tonight and wearing a big and ugly coat wouldn’t have done it. He wouldn't be freezing though so maybe being hot shouldn't have been his major priority.

He had put his best jeans on, making his bum look incredible. His button up was perfectly adjusted on his shoulders and torso, and of course, his hair was in a quiff tonight. Apparently it made him look proper daddy, Zayn’s words, not his.

The nightclub he went to was a gay one and even if it wasn’t what Louis has planned he didn’t complain. Nice and smart men paid him drinks all night and he danced with hot and fit guys until the morning hours. Louis was sweaty, but he was happy. 

He was even happier when he saw his building at the end of the street and ran until reaching the front door, screaming how much he loved men and big cocks.  _He was so drunk._

 

"Harryyyyy. Hey Harry guess who's home?"

When no one replied he went straight to Harry’s bedroom and opened the door. Harry couldn’t sleep, the night was still young and Louis was ready to celebrate his birthday for a few more hours.

“Harryyyyyyy. Harry wake up. Harold. Hey Hazza Boo. Harrrrry.”

"Lou?"

"Harryyy!"

"Wow easy boy.”

“Come on get up you old man, let’s drink a little.”

“I think you drank enough for tonight, don’t you think?"

"I'm barely tipsy, that's nonsense."

"Are you sure about that?"

"You're pretty."

"Thank you Lou."

"It's true. Let's sit actually. Make some room. I wanna talk about your pretty eyes."

"What about I'm taking you to your bedroom so you can sleep?"

"No no no. Louis isn’t tired."

"Okay come on."

"Heeey put me down you big man."

Harry carried Louis to his bedroom in a bridal style and tucked him in bed after removing his jacket and pants. A task that wasn’t that simple with Louis moving around and acting like a child but Harry managed. With a bit of sweat on his forehead at the end.

"There you go."

"Harry..."

"Yeah?"

"Sit a little."

"Okay."

"You're really pretty you know.”

“You said that already Lou.”

“You... You got nice hair and beautiful eyes and I t-think your nose is cute. Maybe people would think it’s a bit too big but I find it perfect. Also like I really love your lips because they’re pink. L-like bubblegum. And like, I- I can’t find the word I want to-. Oops. I’m really drunk.”

“You really are.”

“I-I probably shouldn’t say this. And yep, no no no no no I won't say it or maybe I will because I drank a bit too much tonight. And the day before. So my head is a bit fuzzy at the moment, not sure what I’m saying. Ha. There was this guy t-tonight and he- he wanted to go to the bathroom with me and you know, he wanted to hmm well he wanted to- you know. No need to explain. He wanted to put his cock into my ass. Oops Louis shouldn’t have said that. You are… what’s the word. Like I’m gay and you’re s- Ugh why is it so hard to talk. But anyway I didn’t want him to put his thing in me and also I couldn't really say yes because I thought it- i-it was bad. It wasn't r-right for you, you don't deserve to be chea- What's the word again? Che- Chat- I don’t really know but you know what I mean yeah? Yeah. Oh! Cheated on. You couldn’t be... cheated on. Because Harry I l- like really lo-"

"Louis?"

If Louis fell asleep right before saying he was in love with Harry, no one had to know. Harry surely didn't need to and Louis really needed to be more careful when he was drunk.

 *

The next morning, Louis was once again hungover. Once again, his shirt was smelly and wrinkled. Once again, Louis’ head was throbbing and his stomach was hurting. This time though, there were some painkillers on his nightstand and a glass of water.

Then, just like the day before, his breath was taken away. A massive truck full of heavy bricks hit him. He was supposed to meet his siblings. Louis’ day couldn’t have been any more ruined. 

He took a look at his alarm clock though, just to ruin the day a little bit more, and saw it was already noon. What a great way to surprise your family to open up the presents in the morning.

 

“Zaynie you have to help me!”

“Good morning to you too.”

“Yeah yeah good morning, Merry Christmas and all that. Can you drive me to Donny?”

“Can I drive you to- Lou it’s Christmas.”

“Exactly. I need to go see my family. Besides you’re going too right?”

“My sisters and parents are coming this year.”

“But no. No no no Zayn. You’re always the one who’s going.”

“My parents had some stuff to do in London. I’m sorry Lou.”

“How am I supposed to go there?”

“Ask Harry. He has a car.”

“What-”

_bip bip bip_

“Stop hanging up on me you fucker.”

 

Louis couldn’t ask Harry.

It’s not that he didn’t want to, spending a four hour drive with him seemed to be a really great opportunity to chat a bit and finally have a conversation longer than fifteen minutes. They could learn about each other and it would probably be a lot of fun.

However, Louis also knew that being in a car with Harry could end up with Louis straddling his lap and that wouldn’t do it. Car sex was something Louis always wanted to experiment and unfortunately for him he never had the chance to do so.

Blowing Harry while he was driving was a thought Louis had more often than not and if it was turning him on more than he’d liked to admit it, sue him. Car sex was hot and no one had to know about Louis’ fantasy. Besides lots of people had car sex, it wasn’t some dirty little secret Louis had to keep.

Also, he was an open-minded lad. He wasn’t bothered by some weird kinks and he was even okay with some daddy-baby kind of things. He was also more than okay with being tied up. And he really loved riding cocks, like  _really_  loved it. He was a powerful bottom, he knew what he wanted.

Right now he wouldn’t mind being in a car with Harry and sucking him off. But then again Louis remembered Harry was straight. Great way to kill the mood.

Considering Louis’ hormones were the one of a fourteen year old guy at this very moment, maybe a car trip with Harry wasn’t the best idea. Louis wouldn’t be able to talk to him properly if he had a boner and he knew it.

However after a few minutes, an idea popped into the Yorkshire lad’s head and he realized that spending a few hours with Harry could be a really great idea. Since they both would be in a car, Harry wouldn’t be able to escape Louis’ questions. He would be forced to reply.

Louis was going to ask him about his mysterious girlfriend. The mission ‘find the truth about Harry’s love life’ was starting now.

 

Or maybe it wasn’t actually. After lying in bed a few more minutes, another thought popped into Louis' mind. Thank god he liked to overthink everthing. What Louis forgot to take into consideration in his mischievous plan was last night.

Fair enough, Louis drank a lot lately, but it didn’t mean he was in a comatose state during those times. See, Louis had such a great and vivid memory of what was happening when he was drunk that some could think it was a bit scary. Or at least unusual.

For him it was clearly an advantage. Remembering humiliated moments was definitely something Louis appreciated. It could avoid weird situations the morning after.

Last night was apparently an exception though. Sure Louis made a complete fool of himself so that wasn’t necessarily new but he wasn’t sure if remembering would allow a free pass. The situation he put himself in would most definitely be weird.

He didn’t plan on telling Harry all of this, of course he meant every single word, but it didn’t mean it was okay to scream it to everyone willing to listen. Everyone being Harry in this very precise case. Yes, Louis found his roommate really pretty but no, rambling about it while pissed drunk wasn’t necessary.

Louis remembered most of this rambling so he knew it wasn’t that embarrassing. Harry would probably laugh it off, saying it was totally okay and that he didn’t believe any of the words the older lad told him. He would most likely make one or two comments and let it slide, moving on with his life.

There was this one thing Louis remembered almost saying though and that was probably something he should take into consideration in his plan. He almost said he was in love with Harry and that was definitely not something he was proud of. Hopefully, Harry wouldn’t have heard him and, once again, Harry would probably brush it off like if it was nothing.

Louis on the other hand, wasn’t sure if he could brush it off like that.

Because what he almost said last night, even in his state, was true. It hit him hard, like everything recently, it took his breath away, so strongly and unexpectedly, but it was still the truth. He knew it was probably too soon and maybe it would go away as fast as it came but right now, Louis couldn’t deny it.

Those green eyes and pink lips, that kindness and the way he was always making sure Louis was alright, the older lad couldn’t resist to that. He couldn’t resist to that charm. Harry was so endearing, so easy to love, that even if Louis tried, he couldn’t not love him.

What he said last night was so genuine that Louis wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

He never fell in love.

Sure he had boyfriends, even if only a few, but it was just some random guys he was once infatuated with. He would just hold hands with them, go to the cinema and make out in the dark. He would have sex with them in a crappy bedroom and realize they're jerks once they had dumped him. 

It wasn’t the romantic dates and the walks on the beach. It wasn’t slow and passionate love sessions on nice sheets. It wasn’t banter in the grocery shop and nice home cooked meals. And Louis wanted that with Harry, he figured as much a while back. So yes, Louis was in love for the first time, and that thought was scaring him.

* 

Having no other choice at the end, Louis still would have to ask Harry.

He wanted to see his family so bad, after all this time he was more than ready to hug and spoil his siblings with Christmas presents. It was his fault he had missed the train, too busy trying to make the pain in his poor and sorry heart go away, and he would make it up for it.

He entered the kitchen to find Harry cooking something that smelled heavenly good. Vegetables were scattered on the counter next to the sink while a turkey was cooking in the oven.

“Hey.”

“Lou hi. Did you sleep well? Did you take the painkillers I let you? Please say yes.”

“To answers your questions, yes and yes. Thank you.”

“Good. You were pretty drunk last night.”

“Seriously? Thank you for letting me know Harry, really appreciate the news. ”

“Oh don’t be like that.”

“Just teasing babe.”

 _Babe._ Right. Now Louis was using pet name to talk to the love of his life. Who was straight. And in a relationship. To his defense Harry was wearing a really cute apron with bananas on it and it was a bit hard to focus. His brain-mouth filter was having some trouble to function properly.

“I know I know. Do you want me to cook something?”

“You’re already cooking.”

“Yeah but it’s for tonight. I can make you a sandwich if you’d like.”

“You do realize I’m not five.”

“But you keep telling me you can’t cook.”

“I’m not that bad, thank you very much.”

“Do I need to remind you the first week you were here?”

“Fine.”

When Louis and Harry went to buy groceries for the first time, he had proudly announced they would eat what Louis eats. Harry had agreed, mostly because he still didn’t know Louis very well and must have been fooled by his personality. What looked like a good idea at the beginning soon turned into a disaster. Mostly because when Louis said he couldn’t cook, he really couldn’t.

Their meals, for a week then, consisted on frozen pizzas that Louis still succeeded to let too long in the oven, pastas, overcooked or undercooked according to the days and chocolate ice cream.

They soon tried to forget about it and went back to what was planned, Harry would cook for the both of them. It turned out healthy food wasn’t that bad and Louis was proud to say he was almost as fit as Harry now that he was hitting the gym several times a week.

Just like they had planned that first week, Louis was paying for the groceries and he had learned to buy the right things. It wasn’t that complicated at the end and after a couple of mistakes (he once bought butter past its use-by date and a rotten tomato) he could, maybe a bit too smugly, say he was really good at grocery shopping.

 “That’s what I thought.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t poison me so far.”

“As if I would.”

“I know what you’re hiding behind those locks, don’t fool me.”

“And what am I hiding?”

“Mischief and cockiness.”

“Both you and I know that’s not true.”

“You’re annoying. Both you and I know that’s totally true.”

“And why am I annoying exactly?”

“Because you’re always right.”

While Harry smiled smugly at the older lad for the next five minutes, he had time to pour himself some milk and cereal in a bowl as well as a glass of orange juice. Louis sat next to him at the table and ate quickly. His stomach thankful to be full with something different than liquor. Meanwhile, Harry was chopping French beans and looking at him knowingly. That bastard.

They both were silent after a while and Louis didn’t know how he was supposed to ask Harry about the drive. The more he was waiting, the more he wouldn’t be able to make it on time though so he decided it was now or never. Now would do.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“I know it’s at the last minute and it’s totally okay if you say no but you should know that I would be forever grateful if you could say yes because this would mean a whole lot to me. It’s just has been a long time since I last saw them and-“

“You missed your train to Doncaster and want me to drive you there.”

“How did you know?”

“When you didn’t wake up this morning something was bothering me. Like if I was missing something important you know. It’s not unusual for you to wake up late but for some reason I felt like this morning you needed to get up early. Then I remembered.”

“You should have waked me up. What the fuck Harry. You know how much it means to me.”

“I know I know. But you were really… smashed last night and I wasn’t sure if waking you up at six in the morning knowing you fell asleep at four was the best idea of the year. You couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah right… Sorry.”

“It’s okay. And I’ll take you, I was supposed to see my family but my dad is god knows where, for a change, so my sister is spending Christmas with her boyfriend and my mum with her brother and wife.”

“You’re sure it’s okay with you? I don’t want to ruin your Christmas.”

“I’m sure. Let’s pack some of your clothes.”

 

“Are you sure it’s necessary?”

“Louis for the twentieth time, yes it is.”

“But you don’t even know where my hometown is. When I said it was up North I didn’t mean that far up North.”

“Louis.”

“Fine. God dammit you’re so stubborn. How I wish my mum could meet you. I’m an angel compared to you.”

“Being stubborn doesn’t mean I’m the son of Satan. Besides you said it yourself, I’m always right. You’ll see.”

“If you’re wrong you’ll have to give me something.”

“And what would that be?”

Louis thought for a moment about that. He could ask for a kiss, just a touch of lips, no tongues and all that stuff. Maybe that would be inappropriate though. He could also ask for a sexual favor, like a handjob between two platonic dudes or something, but yeah, maybe that was too forward.

“A piggy back ride across town.”

“Are you serious?”

“Totally.”

 *

It's not that Louis wasn't confident at all but he wasn't super confident either.

A car trip with Harry sounded like such a great idea an hour ago and now that Louis kept thinking about it, it really sounded like a recipe for disaster. Sure he knew how to control himself, thank you very much, but that was in theory. In practice Louis wasn't sure of anything, hence the lack of confidence.

Now Harry was in the bathroom to get ready. Louis told him he didn't care if he didn't shower this morning since at the end, four hours in a car would do no good to freshness and beauty but he refused. 'I can't leave the house dressed like a hobo. I'm driving you to your siblings.' His words, not Louis'.

The shower has been turned off a while ago now and Louis didn't know what was taking so long. Sure Harry always looked on point no matter the hour of the day but Louis thought it was some sort of natural beauty. He thought Harry woke up like this, flawless. No need to say he was a bit disappointed. Even  _he_  didn’t take that long to get ready.

Fair enough he looked like a hobo most of the time and his old good friend Paul from the lobby was here to remind it to him. The nasty glances he kept throwing in his direction when Louis was leaving the building were enough to make Louis feel a little bit more out of place every time. Sure he could make some effort but they had a uniform at work so what was the point. He wasn’t going to dress nicely if it was to change twenty minutes later.

When Harry finally came out of the bathroom, the disappointment was soon replaced by something close to a mix of need, want and pure excitement. The younger lad was so pretty and hot at the same time, Louis wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He was wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned, revealing a tattooed and toned torso. His jeans were tight and black, letting no place to imagination. His bulge and thighs clearly visible under the fabric. To complete the look, the tall guy was wearing many necklaces around his neck and Louis was pretty sure he was drooling over so much attractiveness.

However, what made Louis completely lose his mind was the bun Harry had on the top of his head. All in all, the Cheshire lad was sex on legs. No need to beat around the bush, that was a fact and people needed to know. Harry was  _hot hot hot._  Never had he looked so kissable, bitable and most importantly fuckable. Louis wanted to rip his clothes off and ride him on the kitchen floor.

But then there was the bun. Round and so pretty. A few lose strands of hair forming a halo around his face. He looked so young, so adorable and cherubic. His green eyes wide and his lips so full and pink. He looked like a little boy who loved eating sweets and spending time in the playground.

While Louis wanted to wreck him, he also wanted to tuck him in bed, spoon him and kiss his forehead. He wanted him to feel safe and loved. He wanted to protect him and to cook him cupcakes. Fair enough he didn't know how but he would learn if it meant Harry would smile so bright his dimples would show.

Fuck Louis was so screwed.

"Are you ready to go?"

Louis took a short intake of air, trying to slow his heart pace and looked a little less turned on.

"Yeah...hm sure. Never been more ready."

"Okay then, let's go.”

How was Louis supposed to keep things under control in practice?

 

Louis has been living in this high class building since a month now and he didn't even know there was a huge car park under it. Granted, Louis never had a car for himself and no one ever came to visit him expect his friends. His friends being just simple citizens, they were taking the underground.

The car park was huge, surprisingly pretty and the cars seemed just as expensive as the rent. There were Porsche and Lamborghini everywhere, a few Ferrari as long as some really shiny convertibles. He spotted a few Bentley as well. Louis wondered if Harry had a car like those too.

When they stopped in front of a huge Porsche Cayenne S, Louis felt his jaw dropped. Harry had a fancy car. A fancy car looking brand new and expensive and so amazing to drive. Louis wanted to try it. Expect it wasn’t really a toy and it has been a long time since he last found himself behind a wheel.

"We’re going to take this car. You’ll love it I’m sure."

"Y-you have a...Porsche?"

"It's my dad actually but yeah, he let me use it most of the time."

Once they had put Louis’ luggage in the truck, they both took a sit and the older lad felt his jaw dropped once again.

The interior design was incredible. Louis was at a loss for words. Everything looked so expensive that he was afraid to stare for too long. Even the steering wheel and the vehicle controls looked fancy. The sits were in a warm cream color, so comfortable that Louis wouldn’t mind living in this car. They left London in silent, Louis too busy admiring what was surrounding him.

Surprisingly enough Louis didn’t know London very well just yet. He was always going to the same places and never got the chance to really explore. He would have to eventually but for now he was alright.

The sky was grey today, the sun only appearing once in a while between two heavy clouds. The temperature was quite low and Louis really hoped he had packed enough sweaters. The streets were surprisingly crowded for Christmas and Louis wondered if those people were spending the day all by themselves.  It made him think of Harry and how his family wouldn’t be together, a wave of sadness took over him.

 

"You're proper rich." Was the first thing that came into Louis’ mind to start a conversation. He wanted to punch himself.

"Not really. My dad is and he likes to spoil me." Harry replied, his tone a bit too monotonous.

"You don't like it?"

"It feels like, I don't know, it might sound weird but I’m not that fond of all that. I turned eighteen and got a car. Turned nineteen and got a place in one of the best law school of London. Then I turned twenty and got this huge flat.

It's nice to have that stuff, of course it is, and I like my studies a lot. I always wanted to become a lawyer and now that I'm about to get my degree I couldn't be happier. So yeah I can't complain but I didn't do anything to deserve these did I? I just got them. It feels mostly weird.

I’m not going to be like those rich kids complaining about not having what they want because really I’m not in a position to do so. I’m driving a Cayenne so who am I to throw a fit you know? But yeah, it’s still not what I necessarily want, or need for that matter."

Louis was speechless. He never heard Harry talk for that long and so sincerely. Sure it wasn't some long and deep speech about how the humanity was meant to live in misery but it was still surprising.

Harry was something else and it shouldn't leave Louis frozen in his spot but the younger lad was usually always cracking a few knock knock jokes and laughing. He was the one lifting the mood, not the one switching it into something more serious.

"I suppose you're right. I never really had anything for myself so I can't say I fully understand but to a certain extent what you said makes sense. I wouldn't like to have everything without even trying. It looks too easy."

"That's how I feel. Besides we can never know for how long my dad will be able to pay for those things. Someday all those stuff could disappear. I wouldn't mind too much though, it's just materialistic objects and I prefer real emotions and memories. Moments spent with my friends and family. Those are the things that make me happy, not some exotic destinations."

"You're probably the only guy in his twenties thinking like that about money. That's a great thing Harry, you're great."

"Thanks Lou."

Louis couldn't be one hundred percent sure because he could only see Harry’s profile, but he could have sworn he saw him blushed. The Yorkshire lad couldn't be more pleased.

After that they fell silent for a bit, listening to the radio playing one of Harry's CDs. It was from some wannabe hispter band Louis never heard of but the melody was catchy and the lyrics quite inspirational. The younger lad was humming quietly next to Louis and he slowly fell asleep.

 

When he woke up he was slightly disoriented and his face was pressed against the window. Not one of the most comfortable positions he found himself to. Harry was singing softly and Louis smiled fondly. He had a beautiful voice. It was raspy, slow, just like when he was talking, but there was something more, an emotion and a passion clearly present as if he was truly living the song.

Louis fell a little bit more in love with him.

"Where are we?"

"Not that far, we just passed Nottingham. Which by the way, you didn't tell me you lived in Yorkshire."

"I didn't tell you a lot about me, did I?"

"True. But yeah I'm from Cheshire, I think I told you that, but I never realized it was close."

"It is. Maybe we crossed path in Manchester."

"Wouldn't that be crazy?”

“Yeah, even though I think I would have remembered you."

"What is that supposed to mean Lewis?"

"Nothing Harold." This time Louis was the one to blush.

Deciding not to confess his love for Harry right now, Louis thought for a bit. He wanted to keep talking to Harry. His voice was sex to his ears. A lullaby he wouldn't mind hearing for the rest of this life. A sound he liked to listen to all day long. If he could record it he definitely would.

Besides he wanted to learn so much about the guy, he wanted to hear him talk about what he loved the most and- and this road trip had a purpose. Fuck Louis wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. He was on a mission. How did he manage to forget about his?

 

Should he be blunt or subtle? That was the main question. Louis wasn’t sure if it was a topic Harry was comfortable with and maybe subtlety would be required and appreciated. However maybe being blunt would be better. Harry would have to reply. No time for small talk.

"So. Tell me about your girlfriend?"

"What about her?"

"Well I never saw her. I'd like to know who's got the heart of my dear roommate."

At that Harry chuckled nervously, almost embarrassed the attention was on him, and definitely unsure about what to respond. He kept his focus on the road for a bit before finally opening his mouth. He closed it again after a while and Louis was growing more and more impatient. And also a little bit content, seeing Harry squirm was hot.

"You don't have to tell me." Louis said. Clearly seeing Harry was starting to grow more and more nervous.

"No no it's okay. Hm just, I don't know where to start."

"At the beginning?"

"Please promise me you won't look at me differently? Like I know I’m a coward but-"

"You're scaring me Haz but I promise. You're a sweetheart, I know that. Nothing would change it right?"

"I really hope so."

Louis smiled at him in a way he hoped was comforting and Harry began. 

“When I was a little kid, my family and I were really close. We used to always go on vacation together and we would have quiet nights in on Saturdays, all snuggled up on the couch. My sister used to be my best friend, my confident, the person I could always talk to. My mum was also always here. I knew I could tell everything and anything without being judged. I used to go fishing with my dad and play golf and it was simply amazing.

My childhood was so great Lou that when things started to change I didn’t really want to believe it you know. I was still in my bubble of happiness and I wanted to believe everything will stay that way forever.

My father started to work more and more and along the way he became richer and richer. As you can see, we got fancy cars and fancy apartments. It just became our lifestyle and while it’s nice not to care about problems of money, it’s not how it used to be. I miss our trips to the funfair and our laughter filling the house. We lost what made the Styles household so great.

Now, my father is barely home, always signing more and more contracts all around the world. My mum keeps saying it won’t last but I know it’s a lie she’s telling herself. Thankfully her and I are still close and I couldn’t be more grateful. My mum is helping me a lot going through all this and I can’t imagine losing her. With Gem it changed a bit since she got a boyfriend who lives in Scotland but it’s still nice. We’re talking regularly and that’s all I could ask for, even if I miss the old time.”

When Harry paused for a bit, Louis understood he was about to start talking about this mysterious Eva girl and he sat a little straighter.

“When I turned twenty-one, we had this huge party with at least three hundreds guests. My dad transformed my birthday party into some charity gala and rich people came, donating for some causes I’ve never heard of. It was nice of my father but definitely not something you want for your birthday. I just wanted to go home to have a nice night with some friends and my mum and sister.

That night my dad introduced me to Eva and while I found her pretty I didn’t really know what to say to her. She was a stranger and according to who her parents were we had nothing in common, except maybe wealth.

For weeks my dad kept talking to me about her, about how she fell in love with me that night, completely amazed by my charm and sharp mind. Then he started to tell me all about marriage and kids and all that. I didn’t understand where he was going with all this until someday he told me ‘I think this Eva girl is good for you. Maybe you should invite her on a date.’

Even with the ‘maybe’ it clearly was an order and I kind of got along with it. I thought a date wouldn’t hurt. It turned out she was nice and really smart but we didn’t really have a lot in common. I loved piano, she loved violin. I loved golf, she loved horse-riding. I drank tea, she drank coffee. It was small things but to me it was what matter the most.

Unfortunately I never had the chance to say that to my father because in the meantime he was already off to another country. Eva’s parents came to me at some point, telling me I was already part of the family and that they loved me deeply. Two years later and here I am, stuck in a relationship I don’t even want.

I know I should say no and I want to but I just don’t know how. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to disappoint her parents and most importantly I don’t want to say no to my father. He changed since he got all this money and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to stand up for myself in front of him.

I guess I just let myself fool around in this situation and when at the beginning it was nice to have dinners in fancy restaurants I just can’t handle it anymore. I feel like I’m in too deep to stop it though.”

 

Once he was sure Harry has finished his story, Louis let out a heavy sigh. His heart was beating fast and the car was suddenly feeling way too small.

He wanted to yell to the world how Harry was way too good of a person to deserve that. He wanted to cry because fake relationships shouldn’t be a thing in 2015, especially for someone as kind and caring as the Cheshire lad. He wanted to hug him tightly and tell him everything would be okay.

Except Louis didn’t know that, he didn’t know if everything was going to be okay. He didn’t know Harry enough to be able to comfort him and tell him the right words.

Louis wanted to help him the way he could but right now the car was still moving up North. In an hour he would meet up with his family and he didn’t know how he was supposed to do so when next to him Harry seemed to be on the verge of tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and comments on the first chapter, hope you liked this one
> 
> don't forget to [come say hi on tumblr](http://thekingstylinson.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas as a family, a nice break after the revelation.

The rest of the ride was spent in complete silence. It wasn't uncomfortable but clearly Harry and Louis were both too lost in their own thoughts to bother starting a conversation. Louis was more than okay with that though, what Harry just told him was a lot to digest and there was a lot to think about. However, he made himself promise that he wouldn't let this ruin his Christmas. He has been waiting to come here for a while and he was planning on spending a lovely time.

The fake relationship would have to wait until his return to London then.

 

"What are you waiting for?"

"For you to turn off the ignition."

"What?"

"Did you think I would ask you to go back home?"

"But you told me you just needed a ride."

"I didn't say I _just_ needed a ride, I said I needed someone to drive me to Donny and you did. Which I am very thankful for by the way. However, it doesn't seem fair to just let you drive the whole way back."

"And why is that?"

"Because, my dear Harold, do you think I would let my favorite flatmate-"

"I'm your only flatmate."

"As I was saying, do you think I would let my favorite flatmate eat a whole turkey alone in a way too big flat on Christmas? Do you think I'm such a heartless person?"

Placing a hand on Harry's thigh, for a reason he wasn't sure about, maybe to soothe him or something. Maybe to reassure him. Louis was just getting weird around Harry anyway. So yeah, placing a hand on his thigh, Louis wasn't one hundred percent certain, but he was still quite sure that he didn't make up the small intake of air coming from beside him. In return of the sweet gesture, Harry placed his own hand on Louis' and squeezed back. It was just a small touch, some kind of agreement to what Louis just offered, but to the older lad it meant a little bit more. Even if he tried, Louis couldn't deny the fact that this slight grip on Harry's leg made him short on breath too.

"I would love to stay. If that's okay with your family of course." He added after a bit.

"Would I propose if it wasn't okay? I already have six siblings, what's one more person really?"

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"Don't worry Haz, can't let you spend Christmas alone. Besides, you'll help me eat desert if I have too much on my plate, my aunt tend to me a bit annoying when it comes to food. 'You will not waste food under my roof' is what she says every time."

Louis and Harry climbed out of the car after a few seconds and while Harry got Louis' luggage in the truck, Louis took care of the gifts. They were silent, moving around each other like a couple would do after arriving at their parents' house. Louis put the thought away though and focused on the place he spent his whole childhood at.

Once they had all they needed, the two boys walked to the front entrance and before one of them could even knock, the door flew wide open and a pair of arms were around Louis' neck, holding him tight. His aunt always has been a hugger and she probably was quite worried since Louis had left for the big city. In her embrace, Louis could feel love and relief. For him, it was like returning home, even if during the last weeks he spent there he wasn't too fond of calling the place that way.

In the corner of his eyes, Louis caught sight of Harry, shifting nervously on his feet. He tried to give him a reassuring smile, despite his cheek pressed firmly against his aunt's shoulder, and when the younger lad flushed lightly and smile a bit in return, he knew he succeeded.

After a while, screams and high pitches squeals filled the air and Louis deduced his oldest sisters must have came downstairs. He let his arms fall back from his aunt's waist and let her kiss his hair one last time before stepping back. At once, he had a pair of twins hugging his legs, a sister hugging him tight from behind and another one kissing his face wherever she could.

Louis felt his face split up into a large grin and could no longer restrain the small giggle he was holding back. At this moment, he felt at ease, everything around him forgotten expect for the warmth his sisters were providing him. He felt loved and he loved them in return, unconditionally. His family was definitely everything for him and coming back home after a month was the best sensation he felt for a long time.

Despite his life in London, going quite well so far he must add, it wasn't like Donny and just like this famous quote was saying, it's when you miss something that you realize how important it is. Louis had missed his siblings so much. Their laughs and their cries, their banter and their sleepy faces. For him it was everything and being back was almost surreal. Like an amazing dream he didn't want to wake up from.

Because even if the last weeks, or months really, Louis spent here weren't the best ones. Even if the first thing he was thinking in the morning and the last thing he was thinking at night was how he wanted to leave this place, it was still home. This is where he made most of his memories and this is where he grew up to the man he was today. Sure he also had some bad memories but this was his life and even if some things were harder to get through than others he wouldn't change a thing. This place he called _home_ made him strong. Louis built himself a whole personality, he discovered how to trust people or not. This is the place where he figured he was gay.

Being there after a month in London made all those memories and pieces of life come back and suddenly it was a bit too much. Louis wasn't used to feel so much, he wasn't used to get overwhelmed. When his mum died he made himself promise to think about his siblings' feelings first. Thinking about it, that was probably the reason why he never found love. Granted Louis didn't let his feelings take control over him but he also didn't know how to. He never learned how to set his feelings free. So to speak.

At this very moment, Louis was surrounded by a mix of love, joy, pride and gratefulness and it made him weak at the knees. He was glad his sisters where here to hold him in place. Louis wasn't a very emotional person but he guessed it could come with time. He quite liked the tingle under his skin caused by this rush of emotions.

He also quite liked the feeling of his heart beating a bit too fast when a certain someone was around him but maybe that wasn't the right time to think about this.

When his sisters finally decided to let go of him he was met by the sight of a Harry Styles standing awkwardly next to the door. His hands were shaking a bit in front of him and he was nervously fidgeting his fingers. Harry's cheeks were flushed, his two lovely green eyes looking wider than usual and while Louis should feel a bit guilty since he was probably the cause of Harry's discomfort, he was endeared.

Too caught up hugging his siblings and having an internal crisis, Louis had to be honest, he kind of forgot about his roommate's presence and he didn't think about introducing him. The sight was quite worthy though, Harry looked like a baby deer caught in the headlights and Louis was fond. Utterly and completely charmed by the younger lad looking a bit out of place. He smiled without even realizing he was doing so and when he heard Lottie cleared her throat loudly and rather obviously he knew he was staring. It was his turn to flush and after giving his sister a death glare meaning something like 'stop embarrassing me this isn't the last of it' he decided to take care of the situation.

He wasn't about to let his emotions take a hold on everything. Sure it was Christmas and maybe something in the air was making him feel a bit more sentimental than usual but Louis was a damn grown up and he liked control.

However, no matter how much influence Louis would love to have, some situations weren't only depending on him and since lately fate seemed to enjoy ruining his life it was no surprise that Louis couldn't control what was about to come.

Here the main problem was: how to introduce Harry to his whole family without scaring him away. It looked quite easy in theory but in practice not so much. Sure, his siblings were adorable and his aunt lovely but they could be rather, well... girly. That was the thing. They were proper girls. His aunt and sisters were just a bunch of nosy people gossiping about everything and everyone. Louis got used to it but he had twenty five years to do so. 

Besides, but Louis would never admit that out loud, his family was taking a real pleasure in embarrassing him. He was the oldest, the first child of this Tomlinson generation and little stories about him as a kid were usual topics at the diner table. Thankfully for him, his mum took most of those embarrassing memories with her when she died. It was a weird thought to have but really, Louis had done really nasty things when he was a child and he would rather keep those well buried. (No pun intended.)

So yeah, Louis would rather Harry to keep seeing him as the cool lad he became rather than the twink teenage boy he once was.

Focusing his attention back on Harry, Louis found himself struggling. He could either go by his siblings' sides and introduce Harry, or he could go by the taller lad's sides and introduce the Tomlinsons. At the end it would be the same but in Louis' head not so much. Going by Harry's sides would mean placing a hand on his arm and pointing to his sisters and aunt. It would mean proximity and touching and Louis wanted that a lot. Mostly with him looking as flustered as ever.

Damn he was so in love, how did this even happened? Surely he had a disease or at least a condition because you couldn't, absolutely _couldn't_ , find someone so endearing and be that fond after a month. Surely it was unusual to crave for this kind of closeness, to want to touch the guy you were living with in every single occasion you could get. It wasn't normal for Christ's sake.

Louis wasn't normal.

But. Being different was good, fantastic even, Louis decided that going by Harry's sides and touching his arm was the right thing to do so he did just that.

Not wanting to startle Harry and make him flush even more though, no matter how nice he would look, Louis moved slowly towards him and the hand he placed on his forearm was careful. Just a light touch of skin against skin at first to see if it was okay. When the curly lad didn't make any move to step back, the touch became a more firm grasp and the reaction was immediate.

Harry took a short intake of air, sighed and relaxed his shoulders. His eyes were still a bit too wide and his cheeks slightly colored but his body was definitely less tensed. As if Louis was the person he needed to feel at ease again. Louis didn't allow himself to let the thought linger too long in his head though, surely it was all his mind. As if Louis was some sort of an anchor to ground Harry when he needed a sense of familiarity. As if. Ha.

Shaking his head to clear his head, Louis straightened his spine a bit and turned his body towards Harry. Before speaking, he squeezed Harry's arm to reassure him and got a smile in return. Good, they were good and everything was good and he was already introducing Harry to his family and what the fuck was he thinking? Seriously.

"So" Louis began, his voice a bit too high-pitched for his liking. Damn his voice letting through all of his emotions. "This is my siblings and my aunt, Suzy. She came leaving with us after my mum died and now she's like a second mother to me so be kind to her Harold."

Humor and banter, Louis could do this.

"Nice to meet you darling."

"Likewise." Harry replied slowly, bowing his head a bit. He was definitely too endearing.

"There we have Lottie and Fizzie, the oldest after me. They look like angels but really they're just devils in disguise. Don't trust their clear eyes and pretty hair, it's all fake. You should see them when they don't wear any makeup. Bloody awful I'm telling you." While Lottie pinched his arm, clearly offended, it startled a laugh from Harry and Louis relaxed immediately. He didn't even know he was holding his breath until he felt himself sighing loudly. Maybe Louis needed Harry to ground him and make him feel at ease too. Ridiculous.

"Here, it's the first set of twins. They're lovely, proper angels this time. They will probably ask to braid your hair and paint your nails since they're obsessed with princesses since they're just little kids but it's all cute I promise. They're starting to be all grow up now but pink is still their favorite color."

"Hi my name is Daisy."

"And mine is Phoebe."

"Hello girls, my name's Harry. It's lovely to meet you both. Can't wait to see how pretty I will be once you'll have braided my hair."

"You would let us braid your hair?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course. If it can make you happy, I'll be glad to let you do whatever you want."

"Whatever we want?" Daisy squealed, his eyes wide in excitement. "Louis never let us."

'That's because I don't really have any hair to braid' was what Louis wanted to reply but he remained silent, his mouth gaping wide open in shock.

"That's a shame he would look quite lovely." Harry said. Deep inside, Louis' heart was beating fast and he was getting all flustered but disbelieve was definitely the strongest emotion right now. Harry just called him 'lovely'. Not nice looking or pretty or slightly attractive. No. He called him _lovely_. As if he was a cute little person, as if Harry had paid enough attention to his features, as if Harry had thought about Louis with braids. As if instead of being frankly ridiculous and hideous, Louis would be lovely.

And yes, Louis was quite shocked but that seemed to be the adequate reaction to adapt.

And okay, maybe Louis was overreacting. It was just a word, a choice of vocabulary, six letters and two syllables. That was nothing. Or maybe it was something. Louis was just fucking confused.

"Erm yeah... Ha. Hm. Yeah."

As eloquent as ever Tommo, well done, pat on the back and kudos for you. Louis was such a mess when it came to cute boys and compliments and lovely features and curls and green eyes and dimples. He was becoming all flustered and warm, nervous and laughing at nothing in particular. Fuck. A mess was the just the most accurate representation.

"Yeah so. You met the oldest. Ernest or Doris must be upstairs."

"Yeah it's nap time, I'm sorry Lou if only I knew you would come." His aunt apologized.

"It wouldn't have been a surprise then, it's okay, I'll see them later. I know they can be quite a handle."

"I wonder how they developed this trait. A big brother isn't always a great role model it would seem."

"We're not even over dinner yet, why do you start embarrassing me?"

"So Harry can leave before even coming in."

"Harold? Be careful with what you say. You wouldn't want to miss the amazing turkey she must have cooked. Trust me."

"Hmm well...Actually-"

"Styles!"

"I think I will stay."

 

*

 

Dinner was there.

Christmas dinner was there and Louis was pacing around his room nervously. He didn't know what to do with his hands, didn't know what to think and god he was so damn anxious and he didn't even know why.

What could possibly go wrong? Seriously? He was just going to have dinner with his family, he was about to enjoy a nice meal and open up presents. He did this so many times already, this was like riding a bike after a few months, a bit hard at first, fair enough, but soon enough everything was coming back. Everything was as simple as it used to be. No reason to worry, not a single one. He was even looking forward to this dinner actually, it has been so long since he last talked to his whole family. Of course there was Skype and of course he used it with his oldest sisters a few times and he called his aunt but it has been quite a long time since he last shared stories about the rest of the family and cracked a few jokes about them.

Louis couldn't wait to hear all about his sisters' friends and grades. Couldn't wait to hear all about the recent shenanigans of the two sets of twins. Louis wanted to know if they had lost teeth, if they had learned new words or if they had tried something new. He wanted to make sure Lottie and Fizzie had everything they needed for college, wanted to make sure money wasn't an issue. What Louis also wanted to know was if his aunt was still holding on, if she was still okay with taking care of them all.

Louis never really realized until now that Suzy had to take care of a whole bunch of people she barely knew rather suddenly. From one day to the next, she went from living alone is her London flat to living in a house with seven children. She gained a whole family overnight without even asking anyone for anything.

So yeah, while Louis complained about his shitty town and life, he wasn't the one waking up to seven kids. He just wanted to make sure his aunt was alright.

Secretly it was also a way for Louis to make sure his youngest sisters and brother wouldn't miss anything any time soon. Sure Suzy was their legal guardian since a few years but the young lad would rather be sure. He knew that handling seven children when you didn't ask for anything was probably a bit hard so he knew that someday his aunt might decide it was too much. He knew someday she could wake up, think 'fuck this shit, I didn't ask for any of it' and just leave.

Granted it would most likely not happen but his aunt had to give up on her dreams and her chances to have her own proper children and husband. Surely it wasn't easy for her and some days must be rougher than other. Louis just wanted to know if everything was alright and if he wouldn't have to come back home to raise four children in a not too distant future.

Louis was on his way to the kitchen when he realized why he was so nervous about the dinner. It wasn't a simple Christmas dinner with his family. Harry was there.

 

"Do you need any help with the food?"

"No it's okay darling, go spend some time with the kids. I asked Lot and Fiz to keep an eye on the twins but you know how they are, always on their phones. Your poor Harry must feel quite lonely."

"Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent. We'll talk later yeah? When everyone else will be busy."

"Just like old time."

"Just like old time."

When Louis arrived in the living room, he realized his aunt was right. Lottie and Fizzie were on their phones while Harry was surrounded by four children trying to get his attention. Daisy had a comb in his hands while Phoebe had a box full of nail polishes, Doris was trying to throw candies at his face and Ernest was poking his thighs with a stuffed animal.

The sight was endearing and the younger lad didn't even seem to mind the kids' antics. He looked at ease, definitely less nervous than earlier and he was smiling bright, his eyes crinkled in the corners. He was beautiful.

"Well well well, what do we have here?"

"Oh Lou....Erm. They wanted me to play with them and I made the mistake to say yes. Apparently they didn't understand I was okay for a game with all of them, not four different activities."

"And now you don't know how to get rid of them?"

"Yes." Harry replied immediately. "Oops! No no no no. Not get rid of them, I love them, they're the cutest really. It's just. I mean they're a bit- No no they're great. Everything's fine. Totally okay. Perfect even I-"

"Haz it's okay. They're a lot to handle don't worry I got this."

"You're sure? You're not mad?"

"I'm sure. Go wash your hands and face, you look like a mess. And don't take too long, dinner will soon be ready."

 

"Tell us about you Harry, I'm sure you're a bright young man." Suzy spoke up once everyone was sat at their respective place with a plate full of the starters. Louis' aunt has made some sort of a cake with spinach and ricotta and so far no one had complained, not even the youngest who were quite a handle when it came to weird ingredients. (Everything different from pastas and potatoes really.)

"He's studying law." Louis replied.

"Is that so? I knew you were a smart boy. Do you like it?"

"Hmm yeah... I erm... always wanted to do that." Harry said. His cheeks were once again bright red and his shoulders quite tensed. Apparently the young lad was quite shy when it came to meeting new people. Good to know Louis thought, flushed Harry was a sight to remember. And cherish, definitely cherish. _Most certainly cherish_.

If Louis could snap a quick picture of Harry's current state that would actually be great.

"Haz..." Louis whispered. "Don't be so shy okay, they won't bite I swear."

"I know I know. It's just...I don't do well with new people."

"You seemed okay earlier, when you were playing with the twins."

"It's easier. I just have to play with their toys and take a funny voice. They will giggle, clap their hands or laugh. Nothing I can't handle."

"Do you want me to giggle and clap my hands?"

"Louis..."

"I'm messing with you. Would you be more comfortable if the kids were asking you the questions?"

"Hm yeah probably... Why?"

"Shh. Wait and see."

"Su, how about each kid asks Harold a question? He seems a bit nervous, I think it could help."

"Oh this is such a great idea. Let me get the main course and we'll start."

"I'll help you."

Back in the kitchen, Louis was overwhelmed by the different scents. It smelled of cinnamon, cranberries and honey. The turkey, just put out of the oven was filling the room with an aroma of rosemary. There were mash potatoes and beans on the left counter, bottles of red wine on the right and some ingredients ready to be mixed for desert on the table.

Louis felt himself a little dizzy, overwhelmed by a wave of nostalgia. He could see himself twenty years ago, standing at the exact same place. His body barely tall enough to see above the table. His mother was at the sink, his father watching her from his place on the counter. Lottie was playing with her dolls on the kitchen floor, his short hair bouncing on her small shoulders with every move. It was the beginning of the Tomlinson family, two parents with their two children cooking for Christmas. If Louis remembered correctly, snow was falling that day, kids from the neighborhood building snowmen in their gardens. At that time, Louis was the happiest. He had a little sister to play with and two loving parents taking care of them. They didn't travel a lot and most of the time the end of the month was tough but they were happy.

Love was keeping them close together.

No matter the difficulties they were facing, the house still a bit too big for only four people, the groceries quite expensive and the extra spending because of the newborn, no matter those, they all loved each other so much.

Louis remembered those Christmas they spent together. The stories told in front of the fire, the warmth shared under the blankets, the smiles and the tears, the laughs. Louis remembered it all. He remembered how with each year, there were more and more gifts under the tree because of the additional siblings born since the last Christmas in date. Louis also remembered how he would get drawings from each one of his sisters as birthday presents. The last set of twins still too young to offer more than huge grins. It was enough though, more than enough.

"Are you okay dear?"

"Hmm?"

"Lou? Are you with me?"

"I'm sorry... Was just thinking about mum."

"You miss her a lot, right?"

"How could I not? Every Christmas is the same to be honest, I think about how mum and dad used to cook and bake, decorate the house and hide the presents. I remember helping them during the last years. I remember how I used to help dad pick the best wood to put in the chimney and how we used to hide one or two ingredients of mum's recipes to see her panic right before she could even start to cook."

"She would be proud of you, you know, the way you still care so much. The way you're still helping."

"Yeah you're probably right. At least I hope so."

"I am right. And don't think about your father please, not on Christmas, even if it's happy memories. I know you loved him deeply when you were just a kid, maybe deep down you still do, but it's not a thought to have today. Keep that for another day please."

"I know Su, I know trust me and I try but it looks like I can't. I wish he could see his last two children more, I wish he could care more. I keep thinking he could at least send a postcard you know. Just a little something to show he's still there, somewhere. Most of us remember him as a good father, we remember how he used to play with us and listen to our confidences. All Ernest and Doris will remember is how they never knew their real parents."

"This isn't your fault."

"Isn't though? Didn't he left because I was looking for dicks instead of boobs?"

"Language.

"Sorry. But... I think we both know that's the reason why."

"Lou... Louis, look at me. If it truly is the reason he left then he doesn't deserve your love. He doesn't deserve your sympathy or even the minutes you spend thinking of him. He might be my brother but if he thinks one second that having a gay son is enough of a reason to leave then so be it, but he surely doesn't deserve anything from us. Ernest and Doris are better without him, trust me." If Louis felt his eyes burn a bit because of unwanted tears, he didn't let anything show on his face. His aunt kissed his forehead and they both left the kitchen with the turkey and the vegetables, ready to join back the kids and Harry.

Ready to enjoy Christmas as a family.

 

"There you are!" Lottie exclaimed when both Louis and his aunt came back. "I thought you decided to eat all the food without us."

"We were just talking. Between adults. You wouldn't understand."

"Rude."

"But true."

"I'm 20."

"Still not legal in America."

"Legal in the UK."

"I thought all you wanted to do was cross the ocean so your favorite band member could finally notice you?"

"Oh my god Louis."

"Okay enough, let's eat." His aunt said as she clapped her hands.

Everyone started to move and talk at the same time after that. The youngest found themselves taking all the mash potatoes, Phoebe even ranting about how 'yukky' beans were. Fizzie and Lottie were arguing over a wing while Doris and Ernest were already eating everything they could with their hands without even putting some in their plates. Daisy was torn between beans and mash potatoes and finally decided to take a bit of both.

At the end of the table, Louis, Harry and Suzy were watching them fondly.

Louis couldn't contain his grin, the last time he saw them all interacting like that felt like a lifetime ago and he didn't realize he missed it that much. Harry was smiling shyly, clearly embarrassed to react that way after only knowing them for a few hours but Louis couldn't blame him.

The Tomlinson family had that effect. Without even trying, their antics were endearing. Louis' siblings had the capacity to make their every move likable. Even if they were doing something wrong, even if they were crying in despair or yelling at the top of their lungs that life was unfair, you couldn't not love them. You couldn't not fall in love with the way they were enjoying life. They were carefree, smiling most of the time and so _so_ charming.

Harry was no one to disagree obviously. He was living with a Tomlinson for a month after all.

 

Not long after, Louis' siblings were making a mess of themselves and had turkey all over their fingers, his aunt was laughing loudly at the scene and Harry was enjoying himself, even if quietly, if the smile plastered on his face for a good hour was any indication. He seemed finally at ease and that's all Louis needed to say they were all having a good tim

Louis was also enjoying the night so far and he couldn't wait for the end of the dinner. It meant they would all gather up around the fire, blankets thrown haphazardly on their laps and mugs of hot chocolate in their hands to warm themselves up. A Christmas movie would be playing on screen but none of them would pay attention to the story except maybe the youngest twins, the rest of the family too caught up in their conversations. Louis wanted to share more about his life in London and he wanted to hear all about good old Donny.

For the first time in forever, there would be a guest, a sort of an outside member of the Tomlinsons and as the night went on, Louis realized it wasn't such a nerve-wrecking experience. Sure he was a bit more nervous than usual, paying attention to what he was doing and saying, but deep down he knew it wasn't because Harry was an addition to their tradition. No, it was simply because he wanted to impress him.

Louis was only human and charm a pretty boy on Christmas looked like the right thing to do. Or maybe that wasn't the right thing to do actually since Christmas was usually a holiday meant to reunite with the family. New Year's Eve seemed more appropriate to flirt with people but let's say Louis had a little bit of advance. Nothing wrong with that.

What was wrong was Louis trying to woo someone who had a girlfriend. Fair enough Harry didn't love her romantically, or even friendly for that matter, but it didn't mean that poor Eva girl didn't love Harry. Surely that won't be called cheating if Louis succeeded in his mission to make Harry fall in love with him but he would still feel like a home wrecker.

There was in reality no home to wreck since the two little lovers weren't living together or weren't even spending more than two days a week with each other but Louis couldn't care less about finding a more fitting term for the situation.

Also, maybe Louis was thinking too much. So far he was still being friend zoned. Not that Louis had tried very hard. He didn't flirt shamelessly with Harry and except some innuendos, Louis hadn't made it clear he was interested in him. Sure thing, maybe sometimes he was watching Harry rather intensely and maybe sometimes his breath would hitch but hey, who wouldn't when Harry Styles was in the room?

Louis was pretty sure he saw his sisters checking Harry out.

So yes, Louis wasn't that obvious with this infatuation and secretly he was still hoping it would go away with time because he was a grownup man and that crush, even if very interesting and pleasant, was the last thing he needed. He was still fairly new in London and trying to find his footing and learn how to live for himself was more important than finding a husband. At least for now.

Obviously, Zayn's constant complain about how Louis needed to get laid wasn't helping but Louis could still manage, who knows. It wasn't because his bestfriend, person who knew Louis better and longer than anyone, was telling him something that Louis had to anything about it. He could make decision for himself, thank you very much. 

He could also listen to some advice from time to time though. Thinking about it, Louis wasn't good at relationships and he didn't need one for now so maybe that could do it. Maybe Louis just needed to get laid. He could picture it perfectly. Harry and he making hot and loud sex on the couch. Louis blowing Harry in the kitchen. Harry riding Louis in the bedroom. Harry moaning his name. Harry swearing. Harry begging. _Harry Harry Harry._

Louis needed to stop. There were children around him for fuck's sake.

Making go away that infatuation? Not so much apparently.

"Lou? Lou Lou? Louis?" And we were calling his name. Okay cool. Chill. Louis was the master of control.

"Yes?" He answered, almost breathless and way too high-pitched for his liking. Scratch that then, master of _no_ control it was.

"The kids were wondering if they could ask Harry some questions now that their plates were almost empty. They're dying to know more about him."

"Sure. You could have asked Harry you know." Louis said to his aunt.

"Hmm... They asked, I replied and I wanted to warn you but you were, like, somewhere else for an instant." Harry answered sheepishly.

"Oh. I'm sorry. The alcohol probably."

"You didn't drink anything but soda."

"Did I? I'm a bit hot though. Isn't hot in the room?"

"It's December."

"Well I am hot, excuse me Harold."

Louis wasn't sure but something sounding vaguely like 'you are though' came out from Harry's mouth.

"I'm starting!" Phoebe exclaimed, a large grin plastered on his face and his hands making weird figures in the air to show her impatience. Between the twins, she was the most dynamic and excitable. She was always up first in the morning, already running around the house and singing while everyone was a bit slower to fully wake up. Her carefreeness making everyone smile. What they said about the good mood being contagious was definitely true with her.

"Have you ever dressed like a girl?"

Sitting more comfortably in his chair, Louis exhaled slowly, finally feeling his body temperature dropping a little. He already knew he did a great job raising his siblings but this question just proved it, they were just like him, always trying to know the most embarrassing secrets. This was going to be fun.

"I did." _Even more fun_ Louis thought. "It was for Halloween. We needed to choose a costume and since I didn't know I was invited to the party until the last minute I just went into my sister's closet and picked some clothes."

"What did you look like?" Phoebe asked, clearly pleased with the turn of the events.

"I picked the shortest and most revealing pieces. I was wearing a tight and tiny black skirt with some weird top ending right above my belly button."

"A crop top." Lottie filled in.

"Yeah that's it, a crop top. Thank god at that time I didn't have that many muscles because I would have looked ridiculous with abs poking out. Anyway that was lots of fun, I picked heels and a purse as well. Oh and if I remember correctly I think I even shaved my legs that day. That part was actually quite weird because my thighs and calves were really smooth and quite pale. A strange experience I'm not too fond of."

When Louis started to imagine Harry's long and soft legs, it wasn't weird at all. Rather pleasant if Louis was totally honest. He could almost see himself between his thighs, caressing them with his beard to make them more sensitive and turn bright red. Definitely not strange, one hundred percent hot.

"I got a question." said Daisy next "Have you ever been arrested?"

"Nope. My dad is quite strict so I'm the kind of guy who follows the rules."

"Rules are made to be broken Haz."

"Well I would rather keep my record clean Lou."

"Boring."

"Just a good citizen."

"Just a pain in the arse."

"Am I a pain in the arse when I cook you breakfast every Sunday morning?"

"Stop flirting you two. Jesus Christ, you're not alone. What are you looking for in someone Harry by the way?" Lottie asked and Louis knew what she was doing. She was trying to steal his boy. Well not his boy, his roommate. Yep, that's what they were. Roommates. No need to be protective or jealous. Control master.

"Hm I'm more of a personality guy, it doesn't matter what the person looks like. Just a great sense of humor and someone you can talk with. Like if you can hold a conversation and throw arguments without the person getting mad at you it's perfect. Just someone who's nice."

"I see." When Lottie winked in Louis' direction, the Yorkshire lad was surprised, wasn't she trying to steal Harry? He was confused but let it slide.

"Big spoon or little spoon?" Fizzie asked.

"Little spoon."

"Aw Hazza poo, aren't we getting cute over there? A big man like you? All broad muscles and huge legs?"

"I like being cuddled up." Harry replied, blushing bright from the top of his ears to his neck. Louis would have to take that picture of flushed Harry, seriously, the sooner the better. Also Harry being the little spoon was something to remember. Louis wasn't sure how his tiny legs and arms were supposed to wrap themselves around Harry's tall figure but he would try. He was up for any challenge.

Hypothetically of course, if Louis were to sleep with Harry. The _if_ being the keyword here, capital letters and everything.

"Do you like cheesy love stories?" Lottie asked next. Once again, Louis was pretty sure it was to see if Harry and she had things in common. Lottie was a huge fan of those comedies where everyone was dying happily with seven grand children at the end. At least that's what Louis thought she was doing until... "Because if you do, Louis is the perfect roommate. You know that movie with Robert Pattinson, Remember Me? He cried so hard. He was trying to hide behind the blankets but we all saw him." Embarrassing Louis was apparently her goal.

"Pretty sure it was cute to see."

"Ugh that was awful. It wasn't small sniffles or anything. He kept blowing his nose very loudly and his eyes were all puffy and red." Daisy threw in.

"Thank you very much girls, appreciating the lovely story."

"Do you want more Harry? Because we got more. Lots and lots of embarrassing moments."

"Nope, I think that will be it. How about we get the cake yeah? Hmm the yummy Christmas dessert aunt Suzy cooked. Or maybe we should play cards for a bit? Put some music on? Anything really. Yeah? Light up some candles, fight with pillows? Anyone?"

"Aw Lou Lou doesn't want to hear all about his teenage years it would seem."

"I would love too though. Let's take a seat on the couch Lottie, I'll let you lead the way." Harry replied, completely ignoring Louis' attempts.

A few minutes later, or seconds really, since apparently everyone was eager to embarrass Louis, his siblings were all scattered around Harry, some on the cushions next to him while some were on the floor.

"Hey Louis, he likes you, it's not a few stories that will scare him away."

"He what?"

When Louis turned around, his aunt has joined everyone in the living room already.

 

"Did you know Louis used to wear braces?"

"Oh God, please don't." Louis said as Harry exclaimed "No way!"

"Yes way. We even have pictures let me show you." Lottie said as she stood up to pick the photo album sitting on the bookshelf. "You will never believe this was Louis."

As Lottie started to turn the pages, Louis was met with his fourteen year old self. Saying he was blushing was an understatement. Saying he was embarrassed, an even bigger understatement. Saying he wanted to die was the understatement of the year.

That was it, the end of Louis William Tomlinson. How could he even face the world after this? Right now all he wanted was the ground to swallow him all, the pillows to suffocate him to death.

He looked like such a twink, was this really him? There was no way.

Looking at himself now, Louis was still as tiny as before, his bones structure quite small and his upper body rather thin. He still had those feminine curves he couldn't seem to get rid of and juicy thighs but he looked manlier. He had scruff on his chin, sharp cheekbones and muscular arms. His hair was no longer swept across his forehead and contact lenses long replaced his glasses.

He couldn't say he looked better but he definitely did look different and _that_ was for the better. No matter what his mum could say, no matter how his sisters seemed to miss the young Louis Tomlinson, he knew he no longer had to endure the comments.

"Seriously guys, I'm not sure Harry wants to hear all about my youngest years." Louis said as he sat more comfortably on the couch, his head resting on Harry's shoulder. Lack of boundaries you say? Oops.

"I actually find it quite interesting." Harry replied and even without looking at him, Louis knew he was saying that in all seriousness. He looked like he was enjoying himself a lot and apparently seeing two year old Louis completely naked during bath time didn't scare him away. Good to know.

"He also had this huge collection of Toms, frankly ridiculous. He had so many pairs, from plain white to bright red, with dots or stripes, yellow or denim. Pretty sure we have a picture somewhere." Lottie said next.

The rest of the night was a blur of memories and embarrassing stories. Like that time Louis thought saying hello to every person he would walk past was a good idea. Or like that other time where Louis fell from a tree and lost his two front teeth. Every time he would open the mouth to speak or to eat, Lottie would laugh for minutes. Or that one time where Louis forgot his snack and cried until his mum could pick him up from school.

Harry laughed every single time and by the end of the night his cheeks were a lovely shade of pink.

 

After everyone was back into their rooms, getting ready to go to bed or already fast asleep, Louis decided it was also time for him to catch some sleep and he took Harry's hand to lead him upstairs.

When the kids went to bed they had stayed a little bit longer in front of the fireplace and talked about them and their childhood a bit more. Harry told Louis about the pranks he would pull to make his family laugh. He was a show off for what Louis could hear and the older lad's cheeks were hurting because of the huge smile he was wearing. He didn't know it was possible but apparently he was a even more endeared than before.

When they both reached Louis' childhood bedroom, the older lad felt a wave of nostalgia ran through him. It was weird coming back, even if it has only been a month since he last spent a night here. The posters were still hanging on the walls, the odd pillows were still thrown haphazardly on the bed and the right corner of the room still contained dirty clothes and long forgotten books and CDs.

Nothing has changed, the curtains were still the same and the duvet was still red. Everything was at the same place at before but surprisingly Louis felt like he was entering a complete different room.

He was coming back as a man living the life he finally wanted to in London, he wasn't the same lad in his twenties taking care of his siblings. That month in London was nothing compared to all the things he went through in his life so far but Louis felt more mature and confident nevertheless.

It was also the first time in what seemed to be forever since Louis brought a boy in his room. A boy who wasn't a boyfriend that is. Or, if not a boyfriend, someone he would shag first thing in the morning.

Not that Louis wouldn't like to shag Harry tomorrow morning but his whole family was in the house so yep, probably not.

Since Zayn was in London for a few years now and Stan hasn't come in here for even longer, Harry was Louis' first proper friend to come in his room and it felt important.

They brushed their teeth in silent and took a sit on the couch. Louis was still thankful his mum bought that good old sofa for his thirteenth birthday.

"Hey Lou, about earlier, about the stories your family shared, I'm sorry."

"Why are you? You weren't the one telling them, were you?"

"But I was the one who asked for more. I shouldn't have."

"Why are you saying that? If I were in your shoes and if I had the chance to know all about little Harry I would, without any hesitation."

And maybe that was a bit too revealing about Louis' crush, a bit like 'I want to know everything about you and never let you go' but it was late and he was tired, two good enough reasons. At least that's what he was telling himself to make his heart rate slow the fuck down.

"You seemed embarrassed, I should have stopped."

"Why would I be embarrassed? Braces and glasses, ha, my greatest years."

Louis tried to play it cool, laugh it off but no matter what, he knew this wasn't the best time of his life. If he could only turn back time he would.

Louis didn't know what emotions showed on his face but the next instant, two arms were around his narrow waist and some strands of curly hair were brushing his neck.

Louis froze for a bit, surprised and a bit shocked by this sudden assault but he soon hugged Harry back just as tight. Without even knowing it, he was craving for some comfort. He hated how vulnerable his youngest years were making him, hated how apparently losing his mum wasn't enough of a baggage to carry around.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Louis nodded and pulled back slowly from Harry's embrace after giving him one more squeeze, a way of saying thank you without having to open his mouth.

Lately Louis didn't trust his voice and preferred to remain quiet, fearing a too high-pitched squeal might escape. (Most of those times were Harry related but that was out of topic right now.)

Once they were both a few inches apart, Louis decided that the bed would be way more comfortable to have this conversation. He stood up, took off his shirt and jeans without caring about Harry being in the room and laid under the blankets, goosebumps rising on his skin because of the contact with the cold sheet. Harry quickly followed but once he was at the foot of the bed he stopped, his cheeks flushing red.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Hm we don't really talked about...hm. I- Are you okay sleeping with me?"

"Oh."

Louis assumed they would both snuggled up together to brace the chilly night of December and fell asleep in each other's arms but maybe he was too optimistic . It wasn't like there was another choice though, the house was barely large enough to fit all the Tomlinsons so having a guest room was out of the question. Of course there was still the good old floor but why would Louis sleep on the floor of his own bedroom when his bed was waiting for him, seriously.

"More than okay, come on big boy. Strip and join me."

"Strip?" Harry chuckled.

"Oh well it's up to you. If you wanna keep your big jumper and tight jeans to sleep that's okay."

"You know I usually sleep naked."

And true, Louis knew that very well.

A few weeks back, Louis had left his bedroom in the middle of the night to fetch himself a glass water. On the way back to his room, in the narrow and dark hallway, Louis was met with a really toned and large chest. Both of the boys had stumbled a bit because of the impact and Harry had grabbed Louis' arms rather tightly to prevent him from falling face first on the ground.

When they had found their balances again, Louis couldn't not notice the abs and the biceps in his line of vision and when he let his eyes wonder a bit lower he couldn't repress the little whimper escaping his lips.

One, Harry was naked. Two, naked Harry was a really lovely sight. Three, Harry was hard. Four, Harry was big. And well five, Louis was gay and fair enough his crush was dumb and way less important at the time but it was still a crush and Louis was still a man with needs so having the opportunity to look at such a beautiful cock was something he definitely didn't mind.

However that day, it was past three in the bloody morning, Louis was tired and Harry was very much off limits since at the time they knew each other for about fourteen days. More or less. So yeah, that day they both stepped back, cleared their throats awkwardly and headed to their respective bedrooms.

Louis had wanked at the thought of Harry's dick fucking his mouth for a week after that but none of them ever mentioned that incident.

"You... Hm yeah. You do. I know. Not that I stalked you, I mean I saw, that time in the- And you were-"

"And I was naked, yeah. How about I keep my t-shirt and boxers tonight?"

"That would be really great."

Harry only laughed in return.

 

Once they were both lying next to each other, facing the ceiling and lost in their own thoughts, Louis decided to start talking.

"When I was in high school, you could say I was a bit flamboyant. Hence the braces and the colorful trousers. I was a happy guy you know and I guess it showed in my choice of clothing. I didn't really understand at the time, I mean I just loved colors, so what? You know how kids and teenagers are though, when you're different, it's either people love you and take you as their role model or they dislike you."

When Harry took a sharp intake of air, Louis continued.

"Don't worry, I wasn't bullied or anything, but I could still hear what people said about me. I could still hear the names. One day I arrived at school with a blue striped shirt and red trousers, people instantly called me fag. They weren't false you know, I've always been gay but..."

"But it still hurt." Harry finished, his voice dropping an octave lower and his face suddenly really close to Louis'.

"Of course it didn't help I looked like a twink. I got glasses and feathery hair. I looked like a proper teen featuring in a porn video."

"Louis, don't think so low of yourself."

"It's true though. I was a fucking cliché and then when my mum died it was like all the people could think about me was 'it's the kid who lost his mum'. It was like I wasn't a fag anymore, just an orphelin."

"I'm so sorry it happened to you."

"It can happen to the best of us yeah? Anyway, that's why I don't really like talking about it. My sisters see the bright side of it, the colorful braces and the Toms. They see the crazy outfits I used to wear but they don't know about the nasty comments."

Harry didn't offer a reply, he just hugged Louis tighter, placing his large hands on his back and squeezing hard. Louis' face found a warm spot on Harry's neck and stayed there, inhaling his scent and feeling himself relaxing after only a few minutes.

They were both breathing quietly in the darkness of the room and everyone seemed to be sound asleep around them, it was just the two boys in each other's arms.

When Louis titled his head back after a few minutes to say goodnight, he found himself staring into two wide green eyes. Harry's face was way closer than expected and Louis isn't sure how this happened, he isn't sure who initiated it but if there's one thing he was sure of it was that kissing Harry was exquisite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm truly sorry about the lack of updates, college, exams, you know the struggle.
> 
> as always, thank you so much for the kudos. come say hi on [tumblr](http://thekingstylinson.tumblr.com/) if you want.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being far away from London was good, incredible really. Coming back to London? Not so good.

"We really shouldn't do this."

"Oh come on Styles you're the one dry humping me."

"I'm not dry humping you."

"Oh really? Why do I have your cock rubbing against mine then?"

"It was cold."

"Is that so Haz, your cock was cold so you thought 'Hey maybe if I snuggle it up close to Louis' it will feel warmer'."

"Exactly."

"You're so full of shit."

"Heeeeey."

"Kidding. Keep dry humping me."

"But there's your family right outside this door."

"They're asleep."

"Lou." While Harry apparently tried to make it sound like a groan or something showing his disagreement, it was definitely closer to a moan. Harry's breath caught up in his throat and his eyes flutter shut because of the pressure Louis was applying on his hips. 

Harry was spread out on the bed, his long limbs hanging on the sides of the really small mattress. His head was on the pillows and his hair was forming a beautiful halo around it. He almost looked innocent and cherubic, his eyes more green than usual and his cheeks pink. If it wasn't for the way his hips kept meeting Louis' he would look like an angel but Louis knew better. 

When their lips met minutes ago, Harry was the one to deepen it. He had cupped Louis' jaw with his large hands and angled his head perfectly to proper snog the older lad. Obviously Louis didn't mind one bit and got rather carried away after a few moments only. Grabbing Harry's hair he couldn't help but roll the both of them over and took the upper hand. 

This, kissing Harry, was all he had wanted to do since he first moved in with him and now that it was happening Louis felt the need to fully enjoy it and control the situation. He was given the chance to make his wildest fantasies come true and he was no one to refuse his body what he wanted. Louis was going to wreck Harry, no matter where they were at the moment and matter who was sleeping behind the closed doors down the corridor.

"Lou please."

"What do you want baby?" The endearment falling easily from his lips. "Talk to me don't be shy." 

"I- Fuck I need to come so bad. Please."

"Yeah? Want me to suck you off love?"

"Yes..." Harry pleaded softly, his voice low.

"Want me to take all of you in my mouth? Want me to make you feel so good you'll forget about your birth name? Is that what you want Harry?"

"Oh my God, yes please, yes. Fucking kiss me al-"

Louis complied easily. 

They kissed for a bit longer, their tongues sliding hungrily into each other's mouths, groans and moans accompanying the sound of the sheets rustling against their clothes. Louis' hands were still in Harry's hair, tugging once in a while and earning a whimper from the taller lad. Harry had his hands under Louis' shirt, caressing his warm skin, from his torso to his sides, sometimes pinching a nipple to make Louis thrust his hips against his even harder.

They both looked like horny teenagers rutting against each other, still fully clothed, but none of them seemed to really care.

Harry and Louis were discovering each other's bodies for the first time but it almost felt like they always knew. Harry kept grabbing Louis the way he liked it the most, his grip firm but not tight enough to leave bruises on his chest.  Louis also had the impression that he has known Harry's body for years. He knew how to kiss him, how to tilt his head and how to tug at some strand of hair to make him moan loudly.

The way his body felt against Harry's was almost too good to be true. He was hot all over but his skin had goosebumps. He had chills running down his spine while his heart was hammering in his chest, making him sweat. The adrenaline and the lust rushing through his veins were making him dizzy and with only one look at the boy underneath him, Louis was pushed over the edge.

Harry looked wreck already despite the fact that everything just barely started. Harry was addictive, like a drug Louis needed to have another shot real soon. He was going to explode, his cock rock hard against his thigh that kept brushing with Harry's wasn't helping but the sensation was incredible. Louis couldn't help but moan and whimper at every touch. His mind screaming _Harry_ in bold capital letters. 

He wanted to do this all night but knew his body wouldn't follow his wish.

They weren't even kissing properly anymore, they were just panting into each other's mouths. Somehow Harry had managed to take off Louis' shirt and the cold air of the room welcomed his burning skin.

When Harry hips started to tremble and his thrusts became sloppier Louis knew he was close. The tight tension at the pit of his stomach was well prominent too and Louis knew he would only need a few more seconds before coming in his pants.

He stopped abruptly and sat back.

"What- No Louis come back. Please."

"Take off your clothes."

"I-"

"Harry fuck I need you so much."

"Oh god. Okay, Okay."

Sitting up as well, Harry removed his jumper slowly, teasingly, but never without looking at Louis in the eyes. His pupils were dilated, the green almost completely gone and replaced by want and arousal. He then proceeded to remove his jeans, this time way less gracefully because of their tightness. His boxers came along and he was soon completely naked. He lay back down on the bed and Louis took a few moments to admire the boy in front of him.

He was simply breathtaking, amazingly beautiful, gorgeous.

Perfect.

His torso was firm but not too muscular either with just the right amount of abs. His arms were big, biceps on full display and looking bitable. Lower, his legs seemed endless. They were stretched out on the duvet and Louis wanted nothing more than biting into them, tasting them. All over his body there were tattoos scattering his skin and Louis knew that someday, soon hopefully, he would take his time trying to understand them. For now, he was just going to lick them, trying to make Harry fall apart with just his tongue.

Before taking place between Harry's thighs, Louis removed his last pieces of clothing and stroked his cock twice, the light pressure easing the pain a little.

Louis was barely touching Harry when the latter was already moaning louder than before, his thigh muscles flexing underneath Louis' tongue and teeth. His back was arched and his head thrown back. He was biting his lips strongly, the color completely drained and his forehead was sweaty. Harry looked properly fucked and Louis almost came on the spot. He was sinful, Harry was.

Louis was leaving a trail of kisses on Harry's thigh, going further up with each touch of lips and biting at the skin, leaving marks all over the younger boy underneath him. He wanted him to remember, to see the traces of a good time when he would wake up tomorrow morning.

When he reached Harry's lower region he moved quickly, not wanting Harry to have second thoughts about all this so he grabbed his thighs, push them farther away and stuck his tongue into Harry's tight and warm hole. The taste and the sensation on his tongue was incredible, the tightness around it amazing. When he titled his back and dived back in, Louis felt like everything was ten times better. The taste was even more prominent, the narrowing of his rim addictive so when he pulled back again to thrust his tongue in again, Louis set up a pace.

He fucked Harry's tight hole quickly but expertly. His tongue exploring and licking the smooth skin of his rim.

Underneath him, Harry was a proper mess. His breath was shattered, his eyes tight shut and the column of his throat almost begging Louis to leave love bites all over it. He was whimpering, close to tears, and moaning every time Louis was pushing further and further up, going as far as he could. His hands were clenching the sheets as if his life was depending on it. Somehow Harry's legs found a different position on their own, bent over his torso and exposing his bum even more.

Louis stored that information away.

Harry was flexible. Good to know.

Then, after a few more minutes, and without any warning, Harry was crying out a loud 'Louis'. The sound echoing into the room, the almost quietness completely broken. Harry's cock was spilling all over his tummy, his abs clenching and his back arching even more. The tight ring of muscles around Louis' tongue contracting in the best way possible and seconds later Louis was coming too. His hips were shaking with the strength of it and his legs suddenly felt weaker. He shut his eyes for an instant and just let his orgasm washed over him.

He was panting, his chest rising up quickly. He felt like passing out, his head hurting. Never had he came so hard but surprisingly all he wanted to do was going for a second round. Harry must look wrecked and Louis was pretty sure he would harden again at the sight.

He felt as alive as ever, adrenaline still rushing through his veins, his stamina going strong at the moment. He could run a marathon.

What he wanted though was fuck Harry into the mattress.

Just the time to breathe properly again and he would.

Just five more minutes.

 

*

 

Round two was even better than the first one.

Louis has fingered Harry open, slowly and lovingly, his digits brushing his prostate teasingly and his mouth biting at Harry's arse cheek. Meanwhile, the younger lad was mumbling nonsense and moaning softly, trying to keep the noises down apparently, but failing miserably when Louis finally placed himself at his entrance, sinking down inch by inch so he wouldn't hurt Harry.

After that the pace has quickened up, Louis' hips thrusting hard and fast, his cock splitting Harry open who kept whimpering about how good everything felt and how he never wanted this moment to stop. About how he never thought it would feel this good and how he would love to fuck Louis too.

Their skins were burning, both of the boys were sweaty all over, panting after only a few minutes. Harry's cock kept slapping against his tummy with each move, red and hard, _so painfully hard._

When Louis hit particularly hard on Harry's prostate, the younger lad screamed out loud, just like during his first orgasm and shook from head to toes, his body almost convulsing with the aftershocks.

Louis came right after, his body falling down on Harry's chest, like drained from all the efforts.

 

*

 

When Louis woke up the next morning, a delicious smell of pancakes was flooding the room. The curtains were letting through a ray of light and the sheets were warm around his body. It almost looked like one of those cool Tumblr pictures, the morning glow illuminating the room just enough and casting shadows on the walls. Both of the boys looked like that couple with intertwined legs, lying half naked in the middle of the bed and glad to be into each other's arms.

Louis' hand was on Harry's chest, moving up and down. His fingers stopping from time to time to draw weird and uneven patterns on his skin. Louis' head was on Harry's, brushing the top of his mop of curls with his chin. His legs and back felt sore and Louis smiled at the memories of last night.

He was going crazy.

As if after having sex with Harry once, they would become Tumblr famous because of their cuteness. He needed a glass of water, the sooner the better.

However, Louis had all the right to become mad. His brain was a bit fried since last night events.

After all those hours spent thinking about Harry's face after a good fuck, after all those mornings he spent wanking at the thought of the curly lad moaning and falling apart because of (or thanks to) Louis, after all those unholy thoughts. He eventually had sex with Harry Styles.

And it was even better that he thought it would be.

So yes, he had all the right to be smug and a bit crazy, thank you very much. Some would say he was in love but fuck it, it was too early for that.

When Harry started to move around the bed, his eyebrows scrunching in the loveliest way possible and his head finding a warm spot against Louis' neck, Louis felt his small smile turned into a huge grin. He knew Harry was endearing in all he was doing but this just reached another level.

When his low and raspy voice spoke up, Louis' heart melt completely. There was no turning back.

"Mornin'"

"Hi sunshine. Did you sleep well?"

"Hmm."

"That's it? Not even a 'one of the best sleeps in my life'?"

"Well, you're really comfy" and then after a bit "and warm."

"Oh well thank you Harold."

"Welcome."

"Can't really hold a conversation with you in the morning?"

"Nope."

"Come on get up."

"Feeling too good to move."

"Nonsense. We have a day to fully enjoy, follow me."

"Hmm."

Harry was definitely not a morning guy it would seem. Or maybe that was just after a nice shag. Another information to store away it would seem. Compliant Harry was definitely interesting.

Once they both had showered and dressed up with lose grey sweatpants and old band tee-shirts from Louis' weird teenage years, they went downstairs to enjoy this last day at the Tomlinsons. Both Harry and Louis were wearing huge grins on their faces and when Suzy asked why they just flushed and bowed their heads down.

Louis would deny that later though, he wasn't the kind of guy who blushed easily.

As figured, there were pancakes on the table and breakfast soon turned into a huge and nosy brunch. Eggs were being scrambled in a pan, fruits were being cut in little dices for the youngest set of twins and the water in the kettle kept boiling for the many mugs of tea there were to prepare. From the outside, the kitchen must look like a mess of people and food but for them, it looked like a proper family enjoying the last moments spent together.

Family that included Harry perfectly if Louis was honest. During the last few days, Harry has managed to make Lottie and Fizzie fall in love with him, the four twins to name him 'best big brother ever' because he was never turning a game down and Louis' aunt to accept him like a son, saying he could come back whenever, even if Louis couldn't. At the time Louis felt a pang of jealousy but soon realized that deep down, he was hoping the stay would have that effect.

Louis didn't let himself linger on the thought though. It wasn't like Louis and Harry were an already married couple.

His oldest sisters were calling his name anyway, asking him all about London since apparently he hasn't shared enough yet about this amazing and big city that all of their friends were talking about at uni. Louis, trying to be the best big brother ever again, focused on them instead.

"Well... I never really got the time to explore."

A series of high-pitched squeals followed, two pairs of blue eyes staring at him as if Louis has just said the biggest monstrosity of all time.

"What do you mean you didn't?" Lottie spoke up.

"You must be joking, right?" Fizzie told right after.

"Hey girls it's only been a month. Sorry I've been working quite a big number of days during the week and tried to settle down and find my footing when I had days off."

"This is bullshit."

"Language." Suzy stepped in.

"You should have asked Harry to show you around, I'm sure he would have loved it."

"I would have. This is quite correct."

"Not helping Harold." Louis replied, faking a harsh tone and kicking his shin under the table with his foot, trying to get his point across. They weren't even home at the same time so this was clearly an attempt to make Louis look like a mad man. Rude.

The reaction he got in return wasn't the one he was expecting though. Harry's eyes were wide open suddenly and his mouth was agape. When Harry stood up, Louis even thought the younger lad was about to leave to the table and storm out the door to go upstairs. Louis was more than confused.

Not even a few seconds later, Louis was swept off his feet, his torso resting sideway on Harry's shoulder _. What the fuck._

"What the hell are you doing? And why do I feel like something like this already happened at the flat? Is this a thing for you?"

All he got in return was a slap on the bum.

Louis shut up.

When they reached the front door, Louis' was as confused as ever, not understanding one bit what was happening at the moment.

Also, he was barely wearing anything and despite the warmth of the house, it was fucking December and Louis Tomlinson maybe acted like an idiot most of the time but he was actually quite smart. He knew the temperature wasn't above 5°C during winter. He would not step foot outside. No thanks.

"Harry, pardon me if I'm wrong, but you're not planning on going outside right?"

"You are wrong, and I forgive you. While you kicked my shin, which by the way, ouch, I was looking out the window and guess what, I was right."

"First of all, you deserve that kick. Second of all, right about what?"

"Remember when we left London and you were telling me to stop my nonsense because Doncaster wasn't that far up north?"

"Yep." Louis remembered actually, it was when the both of them were packing, and he actually thought Harry was growing insane.

_"Are you sure it's necessary?"_

_"Louis for the twentieth time, yes it is."_

_"But you don't even know where my hometown is. When I said it was up North I didn't mean that far up North."_

_"Louis."_

_"Fine. God dammit you're so stubborn. How I wish my mum could meet you. I'm an angel compared to you."_

_"Being stubborn doesn't mean I'm the son of Satan. Besides you said it yourself, I'm always right. You'll see."_

_"If you're wrong you'll have to give me something."_

_"And what would that be?"_

_"A piggy back ride across town."_

_"Are you serious?"_

_"Totally."_

So here they were in Doncaster and Harry was right. As always it would seem.

"I was right to take to the snow chains."

"No way! Is it snowing?"

"Yes way!"

"Put me down Styles, I wanna play."

Harry put him down slowly, trying not to let Louis fall on the floor face first. The move wasn't easy for clumsy Harry but he managed and soon Louis was on the floor again.

"I was actually going to propose you to build a snowman."

"How old are you? A snowball fight is better and way funnier."

"But..." When Harry's face fell, his lips forming a pout, Louis knew he should have said yes. Upsetting Harry was the last thing he wanted and he knew Harry was a kid, of course he would want to build a snowman. Probably showing the best way to make one and talk about all the times he already built some in his garden back in Cheshire. Louis found himself smiling at the thought. He was screwed.

"We'll build one."

"Really? Oh my God." Harry launched himself at Louis, hugging him tight with his arms around his neck. Harry's curls brushing Louis' cheeks when he angled his head to whisper a 'thank you Lou' in his ear.

Harry was so easy to please, just a smile or a promise of something fun could light up his mood like nothing else. He would literally start to radiate of happiness, a large beam breaking into his beautiful face and dimples creating deep holes in his cheeks.

Louis loved to see that look on Harry a lot more than he would admit to and lately he had the chance to witness it quite often. He was in heaven, seriously. Besides, Louis was the reason of Harry's joy most of the time and even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, he was rather smug about it. Making Harry smile was probably the best gift he could ever receive from the taller lad.

Well that and a well deserved orgasm but children were awake now so maybe that would have to wait.

Just as planned, the major part of the morning was spent outside. They all had wrapped up themselves in big coats and boots, wearing beanies and gloves to fight the cold and to cope with the snow.

Louis looked even tinier than usual, his winter coat swallowing him all, to Harry's big delight. He kept smiling when he was glancing at Louis and while usually Louis would have snapped at the person to quit mocking his petite figure, the look on Harry's face was almost fond so he could do nothing but flush.

Harry, who had no proper winter clothes to play in the snow, had to borrow some stuff from barely everyone. His beanie was bright pink, his coat yellow, his boots a dark brown, his gloves green and blue and his scarf red. He looked like a rainbow and for some unknown reason, it surprisingly fitted him quite well. Everyone would have looked ridiculous but Harry made it work and managed to look even cuter than usual.

If such a thing was possible of course. Louis truly wasn't sure.

Once the twins were all ready to go out, Harry and Louis took them out of the house and started to pick up what they would need to build the perfect snowman. Instead of doing the classic one with a carrot for the nose and buttons to place on his tummy, Harry wanted to build a pretty snowman. No matter what that meant.

While Louis was busy forming the first and biggest ball with his siblings, Harry came back with lots of flowers in his arms and put them on the ground slowly, careful not to ruin them.

"Where in hell did you find flowers in the middle of winter?"

"There's flowers during winter you know, the world doesn't stop."

"Oh please enlighten me then, tell me about those things you picked."

While Louis was joking, not really caring about which flowers Harry chose and how they would dispose them on the snowman to make it look great, Harry seemed as serious as ever. He sat down on the ground, looking up to see Louis and started to talk animatedly about flowers. Louis was endeared. Again. _Always._

"See that little one? It's called a crocus. It can be white, yellow or purple. As you see, this one is kind of white so we'll use it for Arthemis' nose."

"Who's Arthemis?"

"The snowman Louis, please keep up."

"Of course."

"Yeah so that will be her nose. Then, those flowers are calendula, they're bright orange so we'll use them for the buttons. For her head, I chose several because I thought we could maybe make a flower crown? At least something that looks like a flower crown. I picked candytuft, cineraria, hellebores and cyclamen. And then, last but not least, I chose some cute little pansy for the eyes. Do you think Arthemis will look good?"

"You're unbelievable."

Louis wanted to snog his face off.

"I'll take that as a yes. Let's go build the rest of her body."

They did just that.

 

*

 

The rest of the day was spent chilling out around the house and enjoying the last few moments together.

The two sets of twins had required some bonding time with Harry before him and Louis would drive back to London, saying they still needed to ask him some questions before definitely adopting him as a brother and maybe naming him 'number one sibling'.

The attention Harry was getting made Louis smile fondly and realized he would quite love to give Harry a prize too. Maybe Louis could name the younger lad 'number one human being' or 'number one caring lad'.

Maybe Louis could name him 'number one everything'. In his head, the prospect of Harry becoming everything sounded quite nice.

He knew this was a dangerous path of thoughts and he knew it was probably still too early to tell but this little trip made him realize how everything seemed to fit perfectly whenever Harry was there.

There wasn't any disagreement, just light banter. There were no complications or moments of doubt. If Louis was totally honest, he felt rather serene since he has met Harry. He was no longer asking himself a hundred questions per minute about his family, no longer thinking and rethinking again and again about his bank account to be sure everyone would get enough food or electricity for the rest of the month.

It was like suddenly, Louis was seeing life in a complete different way. The colors seemed brighter, the noises clearer, the people around him more cheerful. He knew the world must have always been the same but he never got the chance, or took the time really, to look at it properly. Never realized how lucky he was to be in good shape and have a loving family around him.

Harry coming into Louis' life was like a camera finally focusing on the moment we wanted to capture forever. Since Harry was a permanent presence in Louis' life, even if sometimes just for an hour or two because of their schedules. The life Louis was now living in was always clear and bright, focused. While it used to be cloudy and blurry most of the days, now those were an exception, not even lasting more than a few hours.

It was crazy to think that one single person could change your way of seeing the world. It was insane to think that this same person could totally turn _your_ world upside down and change you.

Louis had never let anyone change him, never did he accepted to be ordered around. When his father blamed him for being gay, Louis never thought, not even for one second, of changing. Louis Tomlinson was born this way and didn't plan on becoming someone else to please society anytime soon.

Maybe this was immature, maybe that was selfish to refuse that. Maybe it made Louis a jerk, never questioning if he was in the wrong but he always promised himself to stay true to who he was.

This though, the change that occurred since the phenomenon Harry Styles, was so worthy and so right. Needed almost. Louis felt lighter and happier with the boy in his life. As if this change was maybe just natural. It didn't even occur once to Louis that he was changing, never did he thought he was becoming another person. It felt like this was him all along. Like Harry had just pushed some buttons, changed a few of the default settings, to make appear the true Louis.

It was once again probably too soon to tell but Louis felt like Harry might have changed him forever. Also, Louis was definitely a too big of a coward when it came to emotions but he vault himself to thank Harry someday. He promised himself to repay this bright and smart boy for everything he did so far without even noticing it.

Louis knew he might be giving Harry too much credit, he knew it probably wasn't all due to Harry and his incredible aura. London was also responsible, the routine Louis had managed to build himself in a month was to take into consideration. The job and the flat, the responsibilities, those were also things that made Louis become more mature and mindful. Those were important, probably the most important in reality since it helped Louis to finally have a life for himself but in Louis' heart and mind, it was nice to know Harry was the one who made him become who he was today.

It was nice to know Harry was the answer to many of his questions.

 

After a few more stories and laughter, Louis and Harry were back into the room they had shared for those few days. It was time to pack and Louis suddenly felt light-headed. He has been afraid to come back here, nervous about the prospect of seeing his childhood home again but now, going back to London seemed to be even worse.

Louis felt like a month ago.

The knot in his stomach was prominent and painful, the sour taste in his month unpleasant. Louis felt sick and he knew why, this situation felt a lot like when he left Doncaster for the first time. He had the impression to leave his family behind, it was like he was packing to never come back all over again.

Of course he knew he would come back this time, but when he first left he wasn't sure of anything. It was a horrible thought to have, he knew, and soon Louis has missed them all so much, but when he decided to pack his stuff and go live in London, it was like cutting all the strings. In Louis' mind, starting a new life meant leaving the old one behind.

Packing again made Louis sick. He hated it.

"Hey hey Lou, come here. Are you alright?"

Louis' breath was shattered, the air in his lungs coming out too quickly. It all felt like a panic attack, something he didn't have in a long time, probably months. Most definitely years.

His mum used to know how to calm him down, knew how to soothe him and rock him back and forth, telling him everything would be okay.

When she died, Louis was dealing with the pain by himself, not wanting to worry his sisters. It was hard, but he managed.

Now, knowing Harry was seeing him in this state made everything ten times worse, Louis couldn't let Harry see him like this. He wasn't vulnerable anymore, he fucking wasn't, he needed to breathe. In and out. And again. In and out. Except his chest was hurting and he couldn't do this alone.

"I- Fuck I need to- I need to go to the bathroom. No! I need to lay down. Shit I feel like puking, I- I can't breathe. What is happening? What does my chest hurt so much- It's been so long since- I can't- Oh fuck H I- I need to breathe b-but I can't. I can't Harry, I can't breathe."

"Louis, look at me. Hey hey, right there. That's right just like that, look at me. Okay breathe through your mouth, inhale. That's it baby, just breathe. If you could see yourself, you're doing so good love, exhale now, exhale. Lou keep looking at me, we're going over the bed yeah? You can do that right? Good, that's good, take my hand. Babe, we're here, you can sit now, you can sit. Just keep breathing. Inhale... Exhale. Just like that. Going to hug you now, is that alright? Yeah? Okay put your arms around me, just going to sway a bit, yeah? Just like that. It feels good. Just keep breathing. That's amazing Lou, you're doing so great. Keep breathing through your mouth."

And after what felt like hours but were probably only minutes, Louis felt his heart rate slow down and his chest expanse more easily. He was still panting a bit but he didn't feel like suffocating anymore.

Once again, Harry was the answer.

 

 

Soon enough, Louis and Harry had hugged everyone and said their goodbyes. There had been a few tears but also many smiles, Louis feeling content. Spending some time with his family and noticing everything was still going okay was the best thing he could have ever asked for. His aunt has made sure Louis knew he was still loved and welcomed anytime he wanted to stop by. No matter what _he_ thought, it never felt like Louis was abandoning them to his family.

It was also nice to see that saying goodbye to Harry was as hard as saying goodbye to Louis. Phoebe and Daisy couldn't seem to let go, clutching his legs tight and busy sobbing quietly because they would have no one as nice as him to play with now that he was leaving too. While Louis should have found the scene heartbreaking, he found it endearing.

For Lottie and Fizzie, it was different. They were acting like this big mess of tears and hugs was letting them unfazed but Louis could see from the corner of his eye that they were actually just pretending to hold it together. Louis really couldn't blame them though, since he was himself trying to keep his tears away.

Harry on the other hand wasn't holding anything back, his eyes were red and puffy, salty tears running down his cheeks as he was hugging Suzy.

It was weird to see him so affected after only knowing the Tomlinsons for a few days but Louis assumed that was how Harry reacted to anyone. When he loved, it was unconditionally and irrevocably. It looked a lot like once Harry has met someone worthy and nice enough for him to stick around, he would fully let himself enjoy the relationship, head first without thinking about the eventual consequences.

Louis loved that.

It was reassuring to know that if Harry found a place for Louis' family in his heart already, maybe Louis also had one. It made Louis smile to know that maybe, Harry appreciated Louis just as much, if not more.

When the tears finally stopped running, Harry and Louis waved one more time and found themselves driving back to London.

Louis felt asleep with Harry humming the soft song playing on the radio.

 

*

 

Going back to London was even harder than Louis thought. Sure he was back to work and he found himself quite enjoying it but Niall was in Ireland for the holidays and even if he had other colleagues, they still weren't as cheerful and friendly as the blond lad.

When he came home one evening, completely drained and his body sore, but most importantly, bored out of his mind, all Louis  wanted to do was make himself a cuppa and watch a episode or two of this new TV show Harry told him about.

He did neither of those. Harry was nowhere to be seen, his bedroom door wide open and a note was waiting Louis on the kitchen counter.

_I'm off to Eva's for the night. I'll be back tomorrow morning. H x_

Louis found himself frowning and grunting, a weird sensation filling his stomach. A few moments later he was above the sink, throwing up the last meal he had.

Louis went to bed quickly after that, stripping off his clothes and putting his head under the covers, refusing to let his mind wonder to a very unwelcomed train of thoughts.

A train of thoughts featuring Harry and him naked on a bed, whispering sweet words and sharing lazy kisses after the best orgasm of his life. A train of thoughts were suddenly Eva was very real and very present in Harry's life. A train of thoughts were Louis realized he was so damn naïve to think sleeping with Harry would open the younger lad's eyes and make him break up with his girlfriend.

As if, because Louis had finally made his dreams come true, Harry would jump on the situation, forget about everything he knew back in London and marry a flatmate he barely met.

Louis was so fucking dumb when he was infatuated, it was almost laughable.

Yes, going back to London was even harder than he thought.

 

When Louis woke up the next morning, an unpleasant taste filling his mouth, he immediately remembered the note Harry left behind and wondered if the young lad was already back. He wasn't hearing any sound coming from the kitchen or the living room and the bedroom seemed to be just as quiet.

After taking a long and hot shower, clearly appreciated after such a shitty night, Louis styled his hair and put on nice clothes. Today was his day off and instead of lazing around in sweatpants, he was going to be a proper tourist. Making sure his phone was charged and his wallet was in the back pocket of his tight jeans, he was about to put socks on when he heard the front door opening and then closing softly.

Without even realizing it, Louis sighed loudly. For the first time in what what seemed to be forever, Harry was the last person he wanted to talk to. Or even to look at to be completely honest.

He wouldn't say Harry managed to ruin in his mood in a few seconds but it was close enough. Louis would have loved to explore London with the lad so much. In his head it was perfect. If only Louis could make Harry see how nice it was to spend time together, if only Harry could see how incredible Louis in fact was, if only...

 

Scrambling out of his room, Louis made a bee line to the corridor, stopping Harry from taking off his big coat and boots.

"I thought we could maybe walk around London today? You don't have classes until January right? You're free all day?"

"Hm yeah."

"We could maybe grab some lunch and then you could show me the city, tell me all about the cool places to eat and shop. I would quite like to buy a little plant for my room, I'm getting lonely over there. And of course my sisters would stop saying I'm the worst brother ever. What do you think of it? Ready to show me that big tower and this huge wheel?"

Louis was rambling and he knew it but he was nervous. He had a plan in mind, one of his many missions concerning Harry and he really wasn't sure if this one would work.

His main goal? Woo Harry. Yes he was that desperate but no he wouldn't let a fake girlfriend ruin his chances. Because Louis Tomlison had chances, thank you very much. What happened between Harry and him was real, he knew the way his body reacted wasn't just due to sexual tension and lust. What he had felt that night was butterflies and he may be new at this relationship-and-falling-in-love-process thing, but he knew how to recognize fucking good chemistry.

Harry and him had that chemistry, it was more than just sexual attraction, it was like everything about them were just meant to collide. They were meant to be. Louis knew it and he was going to prove it.

(He was also the most irresponsible human being on this planet and he was acting on impulse but sue him.)

When Harry replied a low 'sure', Louis wasn't sure how this mission would turn out since the taller lad seemed to be a bit off but Louis was always up for a challenge.

Besides, maybe going out would do good to Harry's mood.

It had that effect on him, seeing people and having a nice meal were exactly what Louis needed to feel better or ease some tension sometimes. If Louis could also be the reason of Harry's dimpled smile it would obviously be a bonus. But maybe he shouldn't get too ahead of himself. Yeah, probably not.

After putting on his good old Vans, both of the boys were on their way.

On the corridor they stumbled on Eleanor and even if Louis didn't see her that often in the complex he didn't forget the way Harry has described her _'She's a bit clingy, always flirting and literally falling in love with every new man she met but other than that she's rather nice'_. When she swung from foot to foot, acting all cute and playing with a lose strand of hair, Louis realized Harry was right.

Not that he didn't believe Harry but he wasn't used to girls flirting with him. Louis was gay and apparently that was written all over his face, Zayn's words not his, but clearly Eleanor couldn't see that.

Once outside, they were met with a lovely weather. The sun was shining and even if it was quite cold, there wasn't any wind so that was always something to be glad about. There wasn't that much cars outside, people probably at work at this time of the day or still on holidays.

Louis let himself guide by Harry through the streets, absolutely not knowing his neighborhood expect for the path he was taking to go to work.

Many shops seemed to be really cool and Louis, who hated that usually, found himself looking at every window. There were clothes, accessories, toys for kids, perfumes, electronics. It was the usual stuff but it just has been way too long since Louis last went out like this. It was nice.

Harry was walking a bit ahead of Louis and the older lad tried not to take it at heart but it was hard not to. It could have been a day for the two of them, laughing and exchanging stupid stories about themselves. They could have acted like proper tourists, taking selfies in front of everything wearing stupid hats, they could have bought funny pairs of glasses.

Something seemed off though. Louis didn't know why and it was killing him.

Was it something to do with him? Harry seemed to be a quite honest lad, surely he wouldn't have accepted to go out with Louis if he was mad at him? Also why would he be mad at him? The few days they spent in Doncaster were amazing. One of the best holidays Louis had.

If it wasn't Louis related, the lad had no clue.

Harry was someone who always tried to see the bright side of life, smiling and acting dorky like to amuse people. Even when people were rude to him, Harry would always try not to take offense and he would always keep his self control.

Louis couldn't see anything that could have set the boy's mood off but was still determined to find out and maybe light up his day.

Louis wouldn't mind comforting Harry either. Make hot chocolate and let the younger guy talk for hours to end about what was bothering him was something that seemed surprisingly appealing. That would also be a great way to woo him, make him vulnerable and make his move. As if Louis was a predator and Harry his prey.

Louis' head was a mess.

After a few moments of silence, Louis was startled from his thoughts when Harry stopped right in front him and Louis stumbled into him, face first between Harry's shoulder blades.

"Shit, sorry. Wasn't looking where I was going." Louis muttered.

Harry turned around, his chest really close to Louis' and his face definitely _too_ close to Louis'. If Louis was brave he would just have to tilt his head up a little and stood on his tippy toes for his lips to meet Harry's. However he was nothing but brave and kissing Harry was surprisingly enough not something he was looking forward to at the moment.

Yes Louis wanted to seduce Harry but he was still pissed okay. The guy has left to see his fake girlfriend, that hurt like hell.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked.

"Yep, as I said, just weren't looking in front of me." Louis replied, refusing to meet Harry's gaze. Something dumb would happen.

"Louis..." He spoke, his voice barely louder than a whisper. When he cupped Louis' jaw with both hands to make him look up it was like the time has stopped. Harry's eyes were oh so green and Louis' heart was in his throat.

How did he get so lucky to know this boy?

Obviously something dumb happened afterwards.

Harry pressed his lips on Louis', gently at first and then more angrily. He was nibbling at the flesh, biting and moaning softly, clearly he wasn't caring about the fact that they were two men kissing in the middle of the street.

Louis liked that. He liked the fact that Harry wasn't ashamed of him.

Louis pressed even harder and stood up on his tippy toes.

 

*

  
_What the fuck._ Louis kept repeating himself.

_what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck_

Louis was standing behind Harry's bedroom door, ear firmly pressed against the wood, listening to his phone call and that was all his brain could muster as a reaction. He wasn't sure to understand everything and the few he understood made him want to band his head against the wall and repeat his mantra once again.

_what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck_

"Ni you don't understand."

The good part in all this was that at least Louis knew who Harry was talking to. Not that it was Louis' business to listen carefully to a conversation about him and try to get as many details as possible but. Yeah. Semantics.

Besides, even if it wasn't Louis' business, all this was taking an interesting turn so he had to stay. For science or something. And sure, that phone call was more of a monologue than a proper conversation to Louis, but at least he knew the person on the other end of Harry's mobile well enough. It was just like listening to a conversation between two friends of him.

At least that's what he kept telling himself because since Harry stumbled into his life the Yorkshire lad was clearly growing madder and madder as the days went.

First, he developed a crush in a record time, second he thought about literally throwing a fit because he was sexually frustrated and now he was spying on Harry.

Back to Niall however, this was good news. The guy was Harry's best friend so surely he could be trusted. Besides, Louis liked to think of Niall as one of his best mates as well. They became way closer, the perks of working together he supposed, and he was quite glad of the friendship they developed.

It turned out that the first impression Louis had on Niall was the right one. He was cheerful and loud, laughing at everything and everyone but not in a mocking kind of way. Niall just loved life it would seem and he loved to share his good mood and happiness. It was nice to have someone like him at the bar, clearly patrons enjoyed having the Irish guy. Sometimes he would sing old songs or dance around the tables to make people smile and it was enough to light up the mood.

It was endearing to see Niall always happy, his rosy cheeks and sparkling blue eyes a stark contrast against his pale skin. In Louis' opinion, it was impossible not to like Mister Horan. The world needed more people like him, people who still managed to see the beauty in everything. Seeing life as a big party you needed to live every moment of at two hundred percent.

In a way, Louis was envying Niall. He still had moments of vulnerability, moments where he wasn't that confident about himself. He would think too much and overreact, sometimes, panicking over nothing. Some other moments, Louis would think he wasn't worthy enough to deserve all this, not worthy enough to have this amazing bunch of friends and job paying his rents.

So yes, in a way, he quite envied the way Niall seemed to be carefree no matter what. Louis would love to be Niall for a day, to see how it looked like to see the good in everything, to feel good no matter what.

Since Louis moved in, he has spent quite some time thinking and remembering of the past. Trying to understand and trying to have a different look on his life. He tried to look at it as an outsider, trying to see if things were really as difficult as he liked to think. He knew he was a bit dramatic and with the maturity he managed to gain, Louis wanted to see if maybe in mind wasn't making things up.

Since he was living in London, Louis often wondered how he managed to go from a really poorly life to the life he was living right now, brighter and happier and after a few, Louis figured it all.

Yes, it was definitely as difficult as he thought it was but no, Louis wasn't pointless and unworthy.

Louis realized that, even if his teenage years weren't the happiest ones, it wasn't necessarily because he didn't deserve to have a good time, life was just being a bit of a bitch. That clearly wasn't some long and philosophical explanation but that was the simple truth.

Plain, simple but the truth nonetheless. And in the last month, it would seem that life finally stopped being a bitch, as easy as that.

Louis figured as much when he realized that he didn't really change anything, he didn't try to be worthier or something. Yes, thanks to Harry he was seeing life in a better way but he himself didn't try to act in a better way, didn't try to make people around him happier, didn't change the way he thought. Still though, he eventually found himself looking happier.

So obviously, since Louis was finally content, something had to go wrong and ruin the faith he had in life not being a pain in the arse anymore.

Today was one of the best and weirdest days of Louis' entire life. While it has started rather unpleasantly, going with Harry turned out to be really nice. They walked around town, laughed and Harry was finally back to his old self after a while. They kissed, something Louis still wasn't sure how to deal with, and really, what else Louis could have asked for?

He was on cloud nine, glad to be back in London for the first time since he came back from Doncaster and really, spending more time with the curly lad was all great.

This was when things went down.

 

Harry got a call while they were on their way to the Museum of London, frowned deep, excused himself, took the tube, and went home. Which left Louis standing in the middle of god knows where in a city he still barely knew.

You could say the night that followed was heavy and awkward, Harry and Louis barely talking or looking at each other, eating at the same table but not even bothering to pretend they were fine.

Harry went to bed at nine, mumbling a quiet 'Night' to Louis on his way out and closing the door of his bedroom rather loudly as if he was a moody teenager.

No need to say Louis went to bed pissed, his fingers hitching for something to do, or maybe to break, his mind going on overdrive because of all the thinking. He turned and turned in his bed for a good couple of hours before finally giving up on sleep. After sitting up against the heabord, he kept wondering what he could possibly do at past midnight. Watching TV or playing video games was out of the question since it would be too noisy and Louis didn't really have any books with him.

All he could possibly do to pass time was watch porn on his laptop and wank but if there was something he really wasn't in the mood for, it was clearly that.

Deciding to fetch himself a glass of water, Louis was leaving his room when he heard Harry locking his bedroom's door. Someone else was still awake then.

While Louis shouldn't have cared, the motion made him stop on his tracks.

Louis and Harry decided on some rules when they started to live together and one was locking their bedroom's doors. It was maybe a little bit extreme but after finding themselves naked too many times they decided it was for the best.

Or at least Harry decided because really, seeing Harry naked was something Louis loved quite a lot if he was totally honest with himself.

But rules were rules and Harry seemed to be really keen at following them. Both of the lads decided back then that there will only be two reasons to lock their doors, since one seemed to be really interesting in Louis' opinion, this is why he found himself stopping by Harry's door in the first place.

When what he thought would happen didn't, meaning Harry jerking himself off, Louis was about to walked down the corridor when he heard a loud noise coming from inside Harry's bedroom.

At first, Louis thought Harry fell off his bed.

Thing that happened once already so it was safe to say Louis was prepared for practically everything when it came to the clumsy lad.

However the noise could be heard again after a few and it made the door tremble a bit. Louis jumped up, startled. After the third time, Louis understood Harry was in fact banging his head against the door. Okay then. Sure.

Now knowing Harry wouldn't get some anytime soon, it brought out the second reason both of the lads had to lock their doors: if one of the boys needed to have a really important phone call or get as much privacy as they could, a locked door was the signal. It was the only way they found not to be disturbed abruptly and so far it worked.

Louis stayed behind the door, waiting for Harry to calm himself but also wanting to hear if Harry was about to call someone. At almost one in the morning, Louis found it weird and wondered who in hell Harry could possibly bother.

A few minutes later, Harry's voice sounded low and almost desperate and Louis was only human, he needed to make sure Harry was alright. It was quite rare to see the younger lad upset and he apparently needed advice.

Louis felt a pang of jealousy in his chest though and hated himself for that because he should be thinking about Harry's feelings instead of his own but he couldn't help it. If something was wrong, Louis would have loved for his flat mate to talk to him about it. The older guy thought that after the time they had spent together, they were close enough to talk about their issues.

Louis wondered if maybe it has to do with his mood swings and he suddenly felt like maybe he was the reason why. If Harry wouldn't talk to Louis, it was probably because Louis was the issue at hand.  

So yes, Louis shouldn't stand by Harry's bedroom, yes he would probably be hurt by the end of the phone call if Harry started to talk about how Louis was in fact a pain in the arse and a jerk but Louis was glued.

And that's how he found himself spying on Harry, that very situation leading to a string of _what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck_

"You do realize this is not alright?" Harry said, frustrated.

"Niall what the hell. It's not because you ship us than you can say stuff like this."

Ship. That word rang a bell to Louis, one of his siblings must have used it in a sentence about two celebrities or something but he couldn't seem to remember the meaning. Thank you memory loss but now really wasn't the time.

"What do you mean go with your guts?"

"It's not that easy."

"No it's not."

Okay Louis didn't understand a thing but he had the feeling that soon enough he would. So while, as a sane person, he should have stepped back, Louis stayed. Right at this moment, his name was leaving Harry's lips.

"But what if Louis does?"

"No I can't be sure of course but-"

"I can't ask him that."

"Why? You're asking me why Niall? Because I slept with the guy for the first time and we didn't even talk about it."

 "Yes! Surprise!"

"Of fucking course I didn't."

"Well what did you want me to do? I wasn't going to talk to him the next morning and say 'Hey 'bout last night, first time I had a cock up my arse, have a nice day.'"

Louis was going to puke. Or faint. Probably both.

 "No I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being realistic. I wasn't going to say it and kill the mood."

"I don't know."

"Niall I don't know okay, seriously. I've never-"

"I know what I said. No I didn't lead him on stop saying that."

"Oh for fuck's sake Niall. I get what you're saying okay, I really do, but I can't really go tell him he was the first boy I had sex with and that I want to sleep with him again. I have Eva, maybe I don't love her as much as I'm supposed to but she's still nice. I like spending time with her."

"Niall, I'm not going to date both stop staying shit. Of course I-"

"Yeah about that, I may have kissed him earlier today."

"I know I know okay. It's bad but I just couldn't help it, it's like my body is the one deciding for me. It's all just physical attraction really, no feelings. He's hot and I think he feels it too, the sexual tension. We did it, I wouldn't mind doing it again, end of story."

Louis fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the lack of updates? hm what? don't know what you're talking about
> 
> thank you so much for bearing with me though, come say hi on [tumblr](http://thekingstylinson.tumblr.com/)


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